Crimson Skies
by chibi-angel3
Summary: COMPLETED! Open your eyes... open your mind... and open your heart to see that you don't have to look far to find your true love. A SoujiroMisao fic. READ AND REVIEW!
1. Default Chapter

Standard Disclaimers Apply. Crimson Skies Chapter One 

~~~~~

**[Misao]**

I love you, Misao.

I had always loved you.

I'm sorry I didn't say it sooner.

Be my wife.

These were just few of the things Aoshi had **not **told me… **yet**. I don't know why. Was it because he was nervous? Yeah, right.

Maybe he was just waiting for the right opportunity? Nah, I gave him the perfect opportunity every single day of my life.

Maybe too much meditation made him forget things. Important things like that. Yup, that must be it. There couldn't be any more rational explanation than that.

I stretched out my arms, breathing heavily, smiling widely. It was time to dress up. I had done enough daydreaming for the morning. After donning my morning clothes, I went out of my room, greeting Omasu, who just happened to pass by.

"Good morning, Omasu!"

"Good morning, Misao-chan!" 

"You seem to be in a good mood this morning!" she observed, grinning mischievously.

"Omasu!" I protested, placing my hands on my hips. "I am always in a good mood!"

She gave me that look and smiled knowingly.

Omasu was one of the few people who knew what I really felt inside. She knew that beneath my happy exterior was a yearning. A deep yearning for love. She knew how I felt because she loved Shiro all her life. Though our exact cases were different… unrequited love was the same however it was painted.

A few weeks back, we had a conversation, 'girl talk' as it may be put. She told me that to be able to capture Aoshi-sama's affection, I should act more womanly to show him that I was ready for commitment. That I was ready to be loved. I knew her intentions were good but I couldn't heed her advice.

I want to be loved as who I really am.

And I know I don't need to change for Aoshi. He just needs a good push. Wait, I had been pushing him for quite some time now so maybe what I needed to do was to push the right buttons.

Turning my attention back to the onmitsu I had considered as a sister, I said, "Do you know where—?"

"Aoshi-sama is at the temple as usual," she replied, not letting me finish my statement.

"Thanks! Ja ne!" I smiled at her, skipping towards the direction that would lead to the kitchen."

"Misao-chan, don't forget our talk, ne?" her voice resonated in the narrow corners of the hall. 

"How can I forget? You keep reminding me!" I glanced over my shoulders, giving her a wink and a thumbs up.

As I entered the kitchen, I heard thunder peal. But neither rain nor hail nor storm could deter me from doing our ritual so I prepared the tray I would bring to Aoshi-sama. 

I would do anything for him if he would give me the chance to love him. But I guess, for now I have to be content on serving him tea…

…and bringing him an umbrella for that matter.

~~~~~

**[Soujiro]**

Is this really what life really is all about? Is this the life Himura-san wanted me to see, to learn, to experience? 

A life of emptiness and loneliness?

I had been wandering for two years, desperately seeking my answer. I had talked to wise old sages, Buddhists monks, Shinto priests, teachers, doctors, even lay people. But none of them could provide me with what I seek.

None of them understood.

I looked around the town square, my permanent smile still hanging on my lips. Old habits die hard, as they sidy. 

I kept on walking to wherever my feet would take me. This was my life after all. Just then, I stopped my tracks, squinting my eyes to remember a vague memory that was pushed back in my mind after my two years of wandering.

Kyoto.

A place I thought I would never return to. The place felt different than before. It felt free… liberated… happy even. Maybe it never really changed. Maybe I was just seeing it in a whole new light. Workers were busy with their tasks, industrious merchants were selling in their stand, buyers were haggling in one corner, children were playing so carefree under the sun. 

A couple of years ago I would have seen slaves, taxpayers and minions. Now I saw them as who they really were… people who go on with their life, cherishing their most prized possession. 

Peace.

What about me? What do I cherish? What do I deem important to me? 

Just then, my trail of thoughts were cut short when my stomach grumbled. I placed one of my hands on my complaining stomach. When was the last time I ate? Surely I had eaten this week or I would be dead by now but…

I held out my hands in front of me, biting my lower lip in concentration. Today is Tuesday so if I started counting backwards…. 

Tuesday, Monday, Sunday, Saturday, Friday, Thursday.

Masaka! I haven't eaten in six days!? Stupid! Stupid! I grinned inwardly, slapping my forehead lightly as if it were the most normal thing to forget to eat. Just then, I recalled that ate a piece of bread last Saturday making the count three days. Three days or more, I was extremely  hungry.

I absent-mindedly placed my hand in my pocket, jolting me back to reality. I had no money. I had no work. I didn't have anything besides the worn-out clothes I wore.  I couldn't afford to eat.

Sighing deeply, I headed to the woods, praying to the good Lord for fruit-bearing trees that would help me get through the day.

Just then, it rained.

I ran towards a huge shady tree, feeling cold trails of rain running through my back, sending shivers down my spine.  I sat down in between the roots, curling up my legs to my chest, wrapping my arms around them to preserve the little body heat I had left. Chilly air pierced my skin and my heart hurt to beat. My insides felt unnaturally hot but I was shivering because of the cold.  

Funny how I felt like such a weakling at this time. I had been through much worse. I had spent winter nights outdoors but now, with just an autumn rain, I felt like…

Why is everything fading to dark—

~~~~~~

**[Misao]**

"Here is your tea, Aoshi-sama," I greeted brightly as I laid down the tray in front of him. I did everything with practiced grace, almost automatically if one may put it. I have done this, served him like this for as long as I can remember.

… well, two years ago since he came back to be precise.

Although this had been a routine for me, I never grew tired of it. I **will **never grow tired of it for this is my favorite time of the day. Even in such a formal manner such a tea ceremony, I was able to be with him. To sit with him close enough to see that a sparkle, no matter how small it is still remains on his eyes.

"Thank you, Misao," came his reply. As usual, he regarded me with cold blue eyes but I could see past his façade. He was not as emotionless as he projected.

Trying to start a conversation, I put on a bright smile on my face, "I brought you an extra parasol, Aoshi-sama. It's raining again."

"Ah yes. The monsoon rains are becoming more frequent this season."

My heart skipped a beat when his fingers brushed against my skin as he reached for the cup. I turned my head to hide my impending blush and continued, "Jiya went to the market today to buy extra umbrellas just in case the hard wind breaks our umbrellas at home… And you know—" I paused, seeing his uninterested face.

Maybe Omasu was right. Maybe I talk too much that it irritates Aoshi-sama. No, I'm sure he enjoys my company. In a few seconds, he would ask me what was it I was supposed to say.

Seconds turned into minutes but we were silent still.

If he wasn't interested in what I was supposed to say, why didn't he bring up a topic for a change? Why wouldn't he start the conversation?

My smile slowly faded as I watched him almost expectantly.

He said nothing. He didn't even regarded my presence. It was as if I wasn't there.

I sighed audibly, feeling my heart sink with each passing second. 

When he had finished, I returned the cup back to the tray, held it up expertly with one hand and winked at him, trying to mask my confusion inside, "See, Aoshi-sama, I am so good with this."

"…"

I sighed once again at his lack of response, turning around to head back to the Aoiya.

"Misao."

"Hmmm?"

"Don't forget your umbrella. You might get sick."

At that, a wide smile formed on my lips as I accepted the opened umbrella from him.

This was going such to be a beautiful day. He cared for me.

~~~~~

**[Soujiro]**

Slowly, I opened my eyes, squinting them momentarily to adjust to the light. My mind was still hazy that I could not make sense of what I was seeing. My mouth and lips were parched. My body felt heavy.

"Where am I?" my mind asked as I reflexively pulled up my body to a sitting position. Just then, a bolt of pain shot through my head, almost rendering me breathless. I clasped my aching head with one hand as I slowly laid back down on the bed, trying to keep still, not wanting to aggravate my headache. Then, I closed my eyes, concentrating on blocking out the pain. 

Ugh! I had never felt so much in pain ever since I was beaten as a child. I could feel my pulse throbbing from inside. The pain was driving me insane. I felt as if my head was stabbed by a double edge sword, only now, I was alive to feel each agonizing second.

For what seemed like eternity, the shoji door opened, creating a creaking sound as it rubbed against the floor.

I gritted my teeth to control the pain as I opened my eyes, trailing it upwards to where a kind-looking old man with a tray on his hands stood. I watched him carefully, squinting my eyes upon seeing a patch of red dangling from his beard. If I was not mistaken, his white beard was kept neat by a band ribboned with a flourish. He slid the door closed with his foot as he kneeled in front of me. "How are you, Seta-kun?" he asked, concern apparent in his tone.

My eyes slightly widened in surprise when I heard my name. I wanted to ask him how he knew me and where was I but I couldn't find the strength to use my voice. I just stared back at him with half-open lids. Although I could sense a strong kenki from him, it was wise and controlled, not hostile so I relaxed, trusting my instincts that he wasn't an enemy.

Understanding my situation, he nodded.  He placed a cold towel on my forehead and said, "Get well soon, Seta-kun. You know, you should take care of yourself more. I'm sure Tenken no Soujiro wasn't as skinny as this before he went on his journey."

Who was this man?

"You know," he began. "If you wanted to find what you are looking for, you should eat and rest regularly or else you wouldn't be alive long enough to succeed." 

Why was it that everyone had at least an ounce of wisdom to offer? Shishio-san, Kamatari-san, Himura-san and now, him. If I would be placed in his shoes even once in my life, would I say something substantial? Something borne out of my wanderings?

I wanted to answer him, thank him or even nod as a response but I couldn't. My body wouldn't allow it, so I just looked it him with as much reverence as my tired eyes could muster.

"Here eat this," he said kindly, offering me a bowl of misou soup. He aided me in eating as he continued with his advice.  

Having someone take care of me was something new. Even the family I had considered before never treated me this way. Shishio-san and Yumi-san, on the other hand, taught me independence. Was this it? Was this dependence? 

After finishing the meal, he lifted a cup to my lips and said, "Now sip this medicine. This will be good for you. I know you have a lot of questions on your mind. I do, too, but we must save it for later when you have fully recovered."

Taking a deep breath, my voice croaked, "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He bowed his head slightly before he stood up and left the room.

He was right. My mind was bombarded with many unattended questions and it wasn't alleviating the pain I felt. If only I could shrug off all these just for today then maybe my healing process would speed up. 

If only.

Just then, a sweet melody of laughter reached my ears. It was a sound of pure bliss and it radiated inside the room into my heart, giving me peace.

Maybe my mind could be cleared after all.

~~

I opened my eyes abruptly, feeling my lungs painfully constricted. 

What a dream.

I breathed in heavily to compensate my need for oxygen. It hurt to breathe. I placed my hand on my throat, feeling an irritating itch inside. It was then that I realized how thirsty I was. My lips were already cracked like parchment paper. I tried to swallow hard to ease the burn in my throat but my efforts were futile. My mouth was too dry.

Although I didn't know where I was exactly, I figured that there was a kitchen somewhere inside the residence and if I wanted water that moment, I had to get it myself. 

I had imposed on the kind old man too much already.

I stood up from the bed and walked towards the door, sliding it with outmost care, knowing perfectly how much noise it made. It wouldn't be wise to disturb the occupants of the place especially that I didn't even know who they were. With that task done, I quietly paced the area, looking around, searching for the kitchen. 

As I walked through the dark hallway, I sighed deeply, wondering what kind of mess I had gotten myself into. It wasn't actually the first time that somebody received me so generously and helped me get through my journey. However, it was the first time that my host knew about my past, not to mention take care of me  while I was sick. Ever since I saw that old man's face, I searched my mind deeply to recall who he was… how I knew him or… most importantly, how he knew me.

Was he an old ally? A follower of Shishio-sama maybe? Surely he can't be an old ene—

I stopped dead on my tracks upon feeling a furtive presence heading towards me. Ever since I left my room, I had already felt as if I was being watched but I shrugged the thought off, thinking that it would be normal for the residents of the house to be curious of the 'guest'… but why would he have such a strong kenki?

I cast my eyes to the side, a wide smile forming on my face. 

Let's just see who gets surprised.

It wasn't that I wanted to slay him for his devious plot, whoever he may be or however he may be connected to the old man, who took care of me. 

I know better than that now.

I just wanted to know what his intentions were and who he was.

Wait… something is not quite right about this.

I continued to walk naturally, calculating my timing.

Three.

Two.

One.

"You know it isn't polite to sneak on people like that." I smiled, pinning my would-be assaulter against the wall. Just then, blood rose to my cheeks as my eyes widened.

He was a she.

**Author's Notes:**

Many thanks to dementedchris, my beta-editor, friend and **anchor**. She was also the one who gave me this beautiful title.

**Please leave me a review! Keep me inspired!!! Make me happy!**


	2. Chapter Two

Standard Disclaimers Apply. 

Author's Notes:

This was written in a character's point of view, making the scene subjective. They narrate it on how they see it… so the scenes are colored by their emotions.

For those who asked:

Soujiro… formerly known as Tenken. Right hand of Shishio. [prince charming]

Misao… self-proclaimed Okashira of the Onniwabanshu when Aoshi made an alliance with Shishio. [awesome dame]

Proceed with an open mind…

Chapter Two 

~~~~~~

**[Misao]**

I couldn't believe he caught me off-guard when I was supposed to be the one who was going to surprise him! Kuso! I shouldn't have tried to seize him on my own. Now he is going to hurt everyone in the Aoiya. I should have warned the others first. Kuso!

Biting my lip, I decided to stay firm and keep my pride. If this cold-blooded assassin was going to kill me, I was not going down without a fight.

He doesn't deserve the pleasure of killing the Okashira of the Onniwabanshu so effortlessly. Wait a minute! Whoever said that he was going to kill me? Me? Be killed by a boy like him?

Over my dead body.

"Let go of me, you bastard!!!" I yelled, venom pouring out of my mouth as I penetrated his eyes with my _infamous_ glare. I struggled under his touch, thrashing my shoulders to loosen his grip. I wouldn't let him… must get away—

Just then, his eyes widened and he jumped back meters away from me. "I… I'm sorry, miss. I… I didn't know."

Didn't know? Couldn't he think of a better alibi? What kind of an idiot did he take me for? I gritted my teeth in anger, muttering, "Bastard Juppongatana."

I was about to throw the kunais I had prepared between my fingers when I realized that they were gone. Kuso!

I knew I shouldn't have underestimated Tenken no Soujiro.

"What are you doing here? What do you want!?" I demanded spitefully. "Revenge. It's revenge, isn't it?"

"No… no…" he began protesting, shaking his hands in front of him, staring at me with confused eyes.

"If that is not it then what? You're planning to continue where Shishio left-off," I stated more like a fact than a question. 

"You got me all wrong…"

Then, my heart stopped beating as my breathing became shallow. It hit me. 

Aoshi-sama.

He was going to get Aoshi-sama for turning on Shishio during his final battle with Himura. 

"I am not going to let you harm Aoshi-sama, Tenken!" With that said, I prepared myself for my deadliest move taught to me by the man I loved and swore to protect this very evening. "Kecho geri!!!!"

He dodged my move effortlessly, his face still painted with confusion, causing my blood to boil to extremes. Then, he smiled. How dare he smile at me like that at a time like this? 

How dare he mock me.

I would fight him with everything I have to show him not to undermine my threats… my womanhood and most importantly, me. Che! I had enough of that already. When I am through with him… Tenken no Soujiro would never ever forget the name…

Makimachi Misao.

~~~~~

**[Soujiro]**

I stared at the woman in front of me with much amusement. Although I never really did find any entertainment in dealing with my challengers, she was different. Her vibrant energy and pure kenki amused me. The anger that was radiating towards me held no malice nor personal contempt. It was that of untainted will to protect.

Just like Himura-san.

Was she the one who held the answers I was seeking? Was all this a part of a magnificent and elegant plan to enlighten me?

Here I am again with my wishful thinking. First things first.

"Miss, I am sorry. You have misunder—"

"Oh I understand pretty well, Tenken," she narrowed her eyes, preparing herself for a battle stance. "…and by the way, the name is Misao. Makimachi Misao."

"Makimachi Misao," I unconsciously repeated. So that was the name of the girl who ran inside the room during my first fight with Himura.

She tried to hit me, punch me and kick me again and again, all of which I dodged. As I was observing her, I realized that she wasn't some girl, or woman for that matter. She was a skilled fighter… with the most beautiful emerald eyes I had ever seen.

Where did that came from?

"Leave this place, Tenken, if you know what is good for you," she threatened, pursing her lips into a smirk as she folded her arms to her chest.

Her spirit was amazing. She hadn't even hit me but her confidence stood unwavering. Trying to resolve the matter at hand, I kneeled on the floor and bowed before her. "Sumimasen, Makimachi-sama. I was taken in by a kind old man when I was sick. I just came out of the room to drink some water. I don't have any plans to harm you nor your family."

"You can't fool me with your smiles and innocent acts. I know what you are up to. Now stand up and fight me."

I kept still. I wasn't going to fight her. Although the reason for the old man's uncalled for hospitality was still a mystery to me. I was sure that she had nothing to do with it. I might as well resign myself to her even if it meant taking the risk of offering myself to a former adversary.

~~~~~

**[Misao]**

Taking cautious steps to the side, I picked up the set of kunais I had dropped earlier. "Stand up and fight me!!" I growled more fiercely, this time.

He just stayed there in his reverent position and humbly said, "I am not here to fight. I would never hurt the ones who took me in."

What kind of mind game was he trying to play? Did he deem me foolish enough to believe that nonsense he kept on babbling? Did he actually expect me to believe that a member of the Onniwabanshu took him in? Impossible.

Trying to test how long he would keep his act, I threw a kunai at him. He didn't move an inch. He just slightly squirmed in his position when the blade made contact with his shoulder blade. 

Just then, I gasped, eyes widening when my action sank in. Blood was dripping from his shoulders, spilling crimson fluid on the floor.

What have I done?

Wait… why was I feeling sorry for an assassin.

"Stand up and fight me," I repeated, my voice faintly trembling. It was the first time I hit a seemingly unarmed man, who were bowing in front of me, offering no kind of threat whatsoever.

Except the fact that he was an assassin who just happened to saunter inside our hallways.

Why was I softening up all of a sudden? He was here to kill Aoshi-sama and I was standing here pitying him. Feeling my earlier resolve return, I sneered, "Tenken no Soujiro, if you'd rather play games with me than fight me, that is your choice. But I have wasted enough time with you. I won't let you hurt me family." With that, I mercilessly threw my remaining kunais at him.

"Misao that is enough!!!!" Jiya yelled, his voice reprimanding, his face austere as he rushed towards us. 

"Jiya? It was you? He was telling the truth?" I asked, feeling my head spinning. 

"What have you done!?" he demanded.

Just then, Kamatari's words came back to me. Tenken no Soujiro resigned his life as an assassin to become a rurouni. 

To be just like Himura.

As I glanced down at Tenken's bloody state, my brain couldn't process any more coherent thoughts. Blood was flowing out from his tattered gi to the wooden floor but he remained in his position. It was only when Jiya called him again that he lifted his eyes to meet his. "I am sorry if I caused any trouble. I just wanted some water."

"Water… water… that's right." I mumbled to no one in particular as I rushed towards the kitchen to get him some water.

What have I done.

~~~~~

**[Soujiro]**

"Seta-kun, are you alright?" the old man kneeled in front of me after Misao left.

"Yes, Ojii-sama, I am alright," I smiled, jerking out the kunais embedded in my flesh.

"I would like to apologize for Misao's actions. Sometimes she is too rash and acts upon passion—"

"There's not need to apologize," I waved my hands in front of me. "She didn't do anything wrong. She attacked me because she thought I was going to harm you. She didn't know that I retired from being Tenken no Soujiro just like Himura-san retired from being Hitokiri Battousai. Besides, I think she unconsciously went easy on me," I grinned on my last statement.

"What do you mean?"

I plucked out a kunai that slashed my arm from the wall and handed it to him. "If she planned on killing me, you would've plucked that out from my head."

"I understand," he nodded. "And… you are right. If she had known, none of this would've happened. I shouldn't have hidden your presence. I should have told them about you from the beginning. For that, I apologize."

I smiled at him as a gesture that the apology was unnecessary. "Ojii-sama, if you don't mind me asking… why would a former Okashira of the Onniwabanshu take me in when I was out there dying in the rain."

He was about to reply when Misao returned with towels, bandages and a cup of water. She held her head down, unable to look at us both.

We would have choked in the thick air of tension had it not been for Ojii-sama who first spoke, "Misao-chan, I have to apologize for not telling you about Seta Soujiro."

"No, I should—"

"Misao, let me finish…"

Misao slightly nodded her head, biting her lip. 

The words coming out of Ojii-sama's mouth slowly faded in my ear as I decided to focus my attention on the woman standing in front of me. Even if she was concealing her face, I could read her ki. And more than that, I could feel what she was feeling. Strange as it may seem for someone deemed to be as emotionless as me to understand her…

…I really did.

If only I could tell her that she had nothing to feel sorry about. That there was absolutely nothing wrong about wanting to protect her loved ones. That she should even be proud of it. I may not know or understand the virtue behind her intentions or the reason for her passions but I envy her. I really do because I didn't have anything as pure as that inside me. Not that I dared to dream to have one. 

Purity would never spring out from void and darkness. 

And besides, I haven't even found my answers yet.

My trail of thoughts were cut off when I heard her speak, "I understand, Jiya. Taking him in was a good idea but we must save the detailed explanations for later. We must tend on Tenken's wounds first." She trailed off, guilt apparent in her tone.

"Yes, you are right. Bandage his wounds and we'll save the talk for tomorrow morning so that we wouldn't have to repeat everything for the others."

~~~~~

**[Misao]**

"Yes, Jiya," I replied, sighing deeply. Now it's time to face the consequences of my actions. Turning to him, I said, "Come on, Tenken, right this way."

"I would rather you call me Soujiro, Makimachi-sama," he said, barely whispering.

"Well, then Soujiro. Just call me Misao," I smiled weakly, opening the shoji door that led to the main hall. I stepped inside and sat by a corner, motioning him to sit in front of me. My thoughts were still a little rumbled because of the earlier incident that for the next couple of minutes, I just stared blankly on the tray of medicine, unconsciously fiddling with the towel.

I just don't get it. What would made him change his mind that before Shishio's battle even began, he left. If he hadn't left, what would the result be? Would the world as I know it now still exist? Better yet… what had changed inside of him during his journey for the past what… two years?

"What is it, Misao?" he asked, looking at me worriedly, cutting my trail of thoughts.

"Oh, nothing." I mentally slapped myself for succumbing to trance when he was here. Beside me. 

Probably already bleeding to death. 

Better start now. "Take off your gi so we could clean your wounds."

He nodded and started untying the belt that held his upper garment. He slid it off his shoulders carefully, not a trace of pain on his face even of some of the blood crusted between his skin and clothing.

I trailed my eyes from his face to his bloody chest. I felt my bile rise up, not because of the stench of blood but because I was the one who did that to him. As a consolation, I just reminded myself that I would never really kill him. Right? 

But then, what if he was really there to kill them. What if he was aggressive and not impassive and resigned like before? Would I have killed him? Could I?

I shook my head to rid myself of those thoughts as I wrapped the damp towel on my hand, dabbing it carefully to clean the blood surrounding the wound. The next thing I did was to put on medicinal herbs on them before wrapping a clean bandage to avoid infection. 

When I had finished, I found myself staring at his flawless chest. I could feel my cheeks warming up at the sight of a man's bare chest but I disregarded that thought almost immediately when I noticed something amiss— not a single battle scar could be traced. And it only meant one thing… no one was skillful enough to hit him.

Until tonight, which ironically didn't even had anything to do with skill.

That I admit without pretentious humility.

"Is something bothering you, Misao?" he asked.

I smiled slightly and nodded. "I'm sorry for throwing my kunais at you. Why didn't you dodge them anyway? You could have easily dodged that."

"I didn't want to."

"Why?"

"Because I deserved it…"

"Huh?"

"…for startling you."

I looked up at him, silently asking him what was that all about. Patiently, I waited for his explanation but it never came. He just smiled at me as if everything was normal. Shrugging to myself, I stood up and went on my way. I was about to leave the room when I remembered, "Soujiro, do you have an extra gi or yukata with you?"

He shook his head in response.

"Come with me. You can't sleep like that. You'll get sick."

~~~~~

**[Soujiro]**

I smiled at her, following her lead. Although I was smiling on the outside, I couldn't help but feel baffled at the situation so I asked, "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you doing this?"

At that, Misao turned around, looking at me incredulously. "Do what?"

"This? Why do you care if I bleed to death… if I catch cold? Why do you people care if I am sick or well, live or die when I am to nobody you… or an adversary even, if we are going to put the past in context. Misao, why?"

"Because it is only natural to help other people in need…"

"Natural?" I voiced out my thoughts.

"Yes, natural," she repeated. 

"Even if you don't really know me?"

"When your intentions to help are pure, all that you need to know is that the person you are helping will be alright." She then paused for a minute, looking thoughtful, and added, "Well, of course, your help must lead to a greater good, not aggravate something bad."

I chuckled lightly, knowing exactly who she referring to.

Shishio-sama.

I totally disagree with her on that matter but as I had learned, I had to respect her opinion. Wanting to clear up things, I asked, "Misao, what is good anyway? And what is bad? Who has the authority to judge that when good and bad is so relative?"

"I guess, judgment would depend upon the values embedded on the person," she shrugged, continuing to walk down the hall.

Following her, I continued asking, "What if the person doesn't have any set of values?" 

"I don't really know." Lowering her voice, she finished, "I don't have all the answers, Soujiro. I don't even know if those I have right now are correct."

At that, I ceased my inquiry. Maybe I was asking too much from my journey. I was rushing things. After all, I couldn't expect to find my answer this soon when Himura-san found his after ten years.

Misao entered a room as I waited outside. She handed me a fresh piece of yukata and a pair of gi and hakama. "Here, use this," she said. "Nobody is using it anymore so it is as good as yours."

"Thank you very much!" I beamed, bowing slightly.

"Good night, Soujiro."

"Good night, Misao." I waved at her and turned around to return to my room. I absent-mindedly scratched my head as I thought of the things she said. Sighing deeply, I shrugged. I was about to come inside my room when I heard someone called out.

"It's okay to need someone or accept someone's help once in a while, you know."

Author's notes:

Sorry if this is going to be short… just mail me for further clarifications.

1. Pardon Misao's language. I guess… when put in an utterly frustrating and panicky situation, she wouldn't be able to help but curse. Well, that's my opinion anyway. I mean, wouldn't you curse when the best assassin in Japan retaliated and got you cornered?

2. a. "…Dying in the rain" I know people won't die in the rain but you have to remember Sou-chan weakened state and rains in Japan comes with chilly breezes. If the rain won't kill him… the cold climate will.

    b. "…Probably bleeding the death" … this was an exaggeration by Misao. Like I had said earlier… This was written in a character's point of view, making the scene subjective. They narrate it on how they see it so the scenes are colored by their emotions. Go figure. ^__^

**Special thanks to those who left a review! Thank you! This means a lot since this is my first non-K/K fic!**

jenifer-chan, Midori Natari Himura, blue eyes, ks, mokona, Joak Drysso, sweetaznpnai4eva, hotohori, april, dementedchris, gypsy-chan, marta, martanuki. 

**Special Thanks to Dementedchris for editing this.**

Leave me a review!!! Comments, suggestions, constructive criticisms, questions and the like are welcome!

Keep me inspired! Push that button!


	3. Chapter Three

Standard Disclaimers Apply. Chapter Three 

**[Misao]**

Oh my… I overslept.

I immediately ran outside my room, rushing towards the kitchen. I didn't bother greeting the people I passed by because I was such in a hurry. I slammed the kitchen door open, went straight to the sink and heated a pot of tea. Then, I gathered the necessary utensils, placing them on the tray I always used. When I had finished, I tapped my foot impatiently on the floor, silently pleading for the water's temperature to miraculously rise up that second.

Aoshi-sama didn't appreciate tardiness.

As I huffed in impatience, I crossed my arms over my chest. It was then that I  realized my state of undress. I forgot that I didn't even bother fixing myself up because of sheer panic.

Good thing the tea needed time to boil.

I bolted to my room to dress up and ran towards the kitchen again. By that time, I was already panting, not merely because of fatigue but because of the building pressure not to disappoint Aoshi-sama.

"Good morning, Misao!"

Oh good. The tea is already boiling. Now, what am I supposed to do? Oh yeah. Umm…

"Are you alright? Can I help you with anything?"

Prepare the tray. Check. Bring the extra parasol. Uh… Where is that parasol? Oh there. Uhh… 

"Oomph!!"

"I'm so sorry, Misao!" exclaimed a surprised yet cheerful voice which could only come from…

"Soujiro!!!" I lifted my eyes to my assaulter, glaring at him, as I barked, "Why don't you watch where you are going!!!? Can't  you see that I am in a hurry!!!?"

He raised his eyebrows, looking back at me apologetically as he scratched his head. "I'm so sorry, Misao. You seemed distressed and I wanted to ask you what's wrong and then…" he trailed off, offering his hand to assist me in standing.

As if. 

I rolled my eyes, placed my hands on the floor and stood up myself. "Next time, Soujiro… do. not. sneak. up. on. ME. ESPECIALLY-AT-THIS-TIME-WHEN-I-AM-IN-A-HURRY-TO-SERVE-AOSHI-SAMA!!!" At that, I turned around, carried the tray on my hand and stormed out of the kitchen.

Ugh! The nerve of that guy! What did he want anyway? I am already late as it is!

Trying to pick up the pace, I stashed the parasol on my side like a sheath of a sword and I started to run. I didn't bother to check on the clock what the exact time was. All I knew was that I was late… what I didn't know was how late. 

When I had reached the temple, I could hardly breathe. Running up the stairs, trying to balance the tray while doing your best to keep your cool wasn't exactly a walk in the park especially when…

Impossible!

Oh no! This is definitely bad. Of all the things I had to forget, why did I have to forget the pot of tea!!!!? 

What should I do? Should I run back and get it? However, by the time I get back there, the tea was probably already cold so I'd have to reheat it. Then what? I would bring it to him this evening? Stupid. Maybe I would just tell him the truth about oversleeping and about forgetting. Or better yet, maybe I'll just tell him that I was sick then he would be too worried about me to think of my mis—

I sighed deeply and with a heavy heart, I proceeded to the temple, preparing myself to tell him the truth. Just then, I heard soft footsteps ascending the stairs. I turned around, surprised to see the face I least expected.

Soujiro.

"Misao," he said, placing the pot of tea on the tray I had placed on the floor earlier. "Omasu said that you were going to bring Shinomori-san tea and then, I discovered that you forgot to bring this and here… here it is. I think it is my fault anyway that you forgot." 

Unable to contain the happiness I felt that time, I ran over to him, throwing my arms around his shoulders. I sighed contentedly, squeezing him lightly. "Thanks, Sou-chan! I owe you one!"

"Sorry for startling you again, Misao," he whispered to my ear.

I pulled back, smiling and picked up the tray to go inside the temple. Before I stepped inside I glanced over my shoulder and gave him a wink. "You're lucky I didn't bring my kunais this morning." At that I entered the temple, giggling childishly.

Did I just hear him say 'Ara'?

What's with rurounis today?

As I entered the main hall of the temple, I took a deep breath, mustering up all my courage. Putting on my brightest smile, I sauntered where Aoshi-sama was trying to pretend that nothing was wrong.

"You're late."

"I know, Aoshi-sama. I am very sorry." I lowered my head, waiting for him to acknowledge my apology or even ask why I was tardy.

It never came so I decided to take the initiative.

"Oh, Aoshi-sama, I am so sorry I was late! It is a long story actually. It started last night when I thought there was an intruder in the Aoiya…"

I narrated the whole incident, trying to be as unbiased as possible. I didn't want to put Soujiro in the hot seat when I also had my share of liabilities. When I had finished with my narration, I was already out of breath with nonstop talking but still, I held my smile at him, silently hoping that he would appreciate my efforts to serve him and protect him, for that matter.

His face was veiled by his bangs so I couldn't read his reaction to my story, not that he was the expressive type.

I sighed audibly, reminding myself that I wasn't talking to some gorgeous statue but to a gorgeous hunk. He might be stoic and unmoving but nevertheless, he breathed, making him a part of the human race.

That's right, Misao. Mentally making fun of him was the least thing you could do for ignor—

"You shouldn't take things too lightly, Misao." 

"Huh?" I replied, his words not clearly registering in my head.

"You shouldn't take things too lightly, Misao," he repeated.

When his words sank in, I felt my heart stabbed. That wasn't the reaction I was expecting. 'Wha… What do you mean?"

"It was so irresponsible of you to attack Tenken last night. He could have killed you. What were you thinking?" he regarded me with his eyes so cold, it pierced me.

"I wanted to protect the people of the Aoiya!" I reasoned with much conviction. "I wanted to protect you," I finished, barely whispering.

"You shouldn't have done that. I could have protected myself. You should have warned the others instead. What if he killed you!?" 

"He didn't, did he?" I know that I should be happy that Aoshi-sama was concerned about my well-being but his words held a deeper meaning and it hurt me…

"He could have," came his inevitable reply. 

In more ways than none, I expected him to say that. I knew he didn't think much of me. That fact hurt me but I didn't let it get the best of me. He had the right to look down on me on the matter, after all, he was the Okashira before me and he was the one who trained me. What kind of student would think of himself better than his master, right? But I wouldn't let him think so little of my feelings so I looked into his eyes and said, "Then I would die happy, knowing that I was fighting for you."

"Think, Misao," he stressed. "Don't act on emotions. If you get your emotions in your way, you could yourself **and others** get killed. I had expected so much more from you. You are turning eighteen soon. I thought you would have been more matured in your actions and decisions. If you don't want to be treated like a child. Don't act like one."

Tears were already threatening to spill from my eyes but I swallowed it down. I mustn't. 

Not now.

I mustn't emphasize his point by crying in front of him. Crying like a child.

~~~~~

**[Soujiro]**

I couldn't take it anymore. 

I could feel the pain radiating from Misao's kokoro. How could Shinomori-san do that to her? He knew she was already hurting. Why wouldn't he stop?

Although I knew what I was about to do was wrong, I did it anyway. I barged inside, pretending to be in a hurry and said, "Misao, Omasu-san is looking for you. She said it is important."

Aoshi raised his eyebrow at me while Misao bowed at him. She picked up the tray, stood up and walked towards me, her head downcast.

I bowed at Shinomori-san and led Misao out of the temple. I took the tray from her, freeing her hands.

We walked together in silence. Her sadness was really bothering me but I didn't know what to do or what to say. Everything that was happening was new to me. Just then, I heard her choke a on a sob. That sound strengthened my resolve. 

I led her towards the cliff, motioning her to sit beside me under a tree. She discreetly lifted a dainty hand to wipe away her tears before looking up at me with a forced smile on her face, "Am I supposed to meet Omasu here?"

I faced her with guilt, looking deep in her glassy eyes. "I'm sorry, Misao, I lied. Omasu-san wasn't looking for you. It was just that I couldn't stand Shinomori-san hurting you like that."

"I'm fine Soujiro," she smiled wider. "You didn't have to worry about me. Aoshi-sama and I were just discussing a couple of things."

"You know. You don't really have to smile all the time. Just be true to yourself." 

Misao's eyes widened after hearing what I had said as tears brimmed up in her eyes. She lifted her gaze to the sky to prevent them from falling. 

Upon seeing this, I placed my fingers gently on her eyes, motioning them to close, spilling the tears she was holding back. Then, I caressed her cheeks, wiping away the tears.

Slowly, she opened her emerald eyes, looking up at me questioningly. "Why?" she asked.

"Because I know how it felt like to keep it all inside."

She nodded slightly, sighing deeply. From that point on, she didn't try to suppress her tears anymore. She raised her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them as she buried her face on her knees. Her delicate back quivered as her sobs grew louder.

This was the first time that I was with somebody crying and it really baffled me that despite the connotation that tears were for the weak, it never crossed my mind that she was one.

I didn't know what to do. How was I supposed to comfort someone who was emotionally hurt? Do I even know how to comfort at all? With much hesitance, I placed my hand on her back, stroking it tenderly to pacify her. "What's wrong, Misao?" I asked.

"No, Soujiro," she sobbed, raising her eyes to meet mine. "Don't ask me that. I should be the one who should ask that."

Huh?

"…What's wrong with me?" she finished miserably.

"What do you mean?" 

"What's wrong with me?" she repeated. "What do I have to do in order to please him? What do I have to change in order to be enough. Tell me," she pleaded. "What!?"

I searched my mind, trying to understand the depth of her words. Then, it came to me, "It's about Shinomori-san, isn't it?"

"Yes," she whimpered. "Whatever I do. No matter how much I try. It's never good enough. It's wrong. It's bad. It's un-ladylike. Do I really need to change me in order to be accepted?"

I stared at her forlorn expression, feeling my heart sink with every tear that fell from her eyes. A person with such a pure heart as hers didn't deserve to hurt like that. She didn't have to change so I replied, "You don't have to…."

She locked her eyes with mine as I wiped her remaining tears.

"…The Misao I have met is enough. She may have flaws… but it is normal. Everyone has them. No one is perfect but you see…" I paused and smiled at her. "Sometimes imperfections makes the perfect human. Do I make sense?"

At that, she sincerely smiled back. "You do but… How do I measure up?"

"Do you have to?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to?"

"Only if it would make Aoshi love me back," she simply answered. 

Silence came upon us after that but it didn't remain for long. She folded her legs to her side and leaned on the tree. With a thoughtful face, she began, "You know what? I had always thought that I was doing the right thing. That whatever I was doing was enough because I was pouring out my heart on it. But it turned out to be wrong. Aoshi said that I shouldn't use my heart in making a decision."

What she said hit me.

"Misao," I sighed. "For a long time, I had closed myself from all emotions. Do you know what happened to me the day I did that?"

She shook her head.

"I died… I had to kill the real me in order to become the perfect assassin and now, with the help of my journey, I am beginning to learn the real me… Misao, how could one say that one is alive without feelings, emotions or passions?"

"I know that and I definitely agree but…" she paused, her smile fading. "…it totally contradicts what Aoshi-sama said. He said that if I let my emotions control me, I could kill myself and other people. Soujiro, what should I do when right and wrong is so relative?"

Searching her eyes, I smiled at her again, "You already know the answer to that… You just told me last night, remember?"

"I know," she let out a deep sigh. "Why is it so hard to be wise for yourself? Why is it that when other people ask me for advice, I could give it to them easily but when it comes to me…" she trailed off. 

Silence fell upon us as we stared at the crimson sky.

Moments had passed when she spoke, "Soujiro?"

"Hmmm?"

She sighed, "I am just glad you're here with me." At that, she shifted closer to me and rested her head on my shoulder.

My eyes widened at her gesture as my heart pounded against my chest.

In time, I had relaxed with her beside me like that as I rested my cheek on top of her hair. Seconds turned to minutes and minutes into hours but we didn't notice it. We just stayed there in silence, enjoying the view and each other's company.

Finally, I spoke up, "Misao, The sun is already setting, we have to go back. They must be so worried about you."

"No. Not yet," she protested, not moving from her position. "Let's stay here for a while and wait for the stars to appear. Please?"

Sighing deeply in contentment, I nodded, "Whatever makes you happy."

Why is it that I couldn't help but smile when I am with her?

This was all very new to me.

**Author's Notes:**

Before I wrote this fic… I had read almost all Soujiro/Misao fics there is. Actually they were the ones who inspired me. However, I wanted something really different. I wanted something that would explore their vulnerability and humanity. I don't want it to be just Misao suffering or just Soujiro. I want it to be theirs. I want to help them stand by leaning on each other.

There wouldn't be much fighting scenes here because I know that you already know their abilities in kenjutsu or ninjitsu, for that matter. I wanted their raw emotions… I want to color them and bring them to light. There is something beneath their smile. Something deep and profound, yet truly empty.

But there is hope.

Soujiro and Misao here are much more perceptive in terms of life and love. They aren't experts and like they said, they don't have all the answers, but with the help of each other, they will learn the value of one's life through sheer and untainted happiness. 

Something that could only be learned through experience. 

Yes, they will have a slow blossoming love. You know me… I don't like to rush things. I like to enjoy and savor each moment because I believe that love takes time to develop and it takes a lot of thinking for one to realize or accept that one is in love. Though I believe that love only needs to be felt… that it is just there, the rational part of me still tells me that loving is a decision. May it be made by the heart or mind it is a decision. One is aware when one give his heart and whole being to someone.

Since it is all about friendship now, Aoshi has nothing to be jealous about, ne? Yet.

I hope you enjoy my fic! Tell me what you think, okay? Your reviews really inspire me that is why the new chap is here already! ^__^

Thank you for my co-Sou/Misao-authors! You guys rock! Sou/Misao forever, ne?

P.S.

Sou-chan is just like Kenshin, ne? And Misao is his perfect Kaoru. ^__^ I don't know what is about jaded souls that grabs me… I guess because I am one, too.

No offense to Aoshi/Misao fans. I respect your preference… I hope you respect mine.

Visit Gypsy-chan's website! It really rocks! All her fics are great! Take it from me… I had read them all! ^__^

Thank you for all your reviews! More please!


	4. Chapter Four

Standard Disclaimers Apply. Merry Christmas RK Fandom! Chapter Four 

**~~~~~**

**[Misao]**

I couldn't believe the amount of explanation Soujiro and I had to go through when we had arrived back at the Aoiya.

I had totally forgotten that Sou-chan, Okina, together with the rest of the Onniwabanshu, and I were supposed to talk about the current situation regarding Sou-chan's stay early this morning. The long talk I had anticipated became even **longer** because we had to tell them exactly where we had been and what we did…

…except for the crying part, that is. 

I didn't know what stirred them crazy when I came home. I mean, _as if_ something wrong would happen to me. I had traveled all over Japan alone, which should have showed them how perfectly I could take care of myself and besides, Sou-chan was as harmless as Himura. 

Well, you know what I mean.

The **long **talk proved to be worthwhile in the end. At least, all questions had been answered; all suspicions had been cleared. I admire Jiya for his wisdom. In his years of having the seen the worst in people, he could still shed light on them and give them a second chance. Himura… Aoshi-sama… and now, Soujiro. And for that, I was most grateful.

Of the people who would caught me emotionally off-guard, never in my wildest dreams did I expect Tenken no Soujiro be the one to comfort me. But I guess, I should be thankful. If there was one person who would know how it felt like to hide tears behind a smile, it would be him.

He would know it better than anyone else… maybe even me.

It was already late in the evening but I couldn't get myself to fall asleep. Many thoughts were bombarding my head, making slumber painfully elusive. 

Just then, from the recesses of my consciousness, I could make out a vague melody. I didn't know if it was just my imagination but I was certain that I never heard it before.

I sat up from my futon, extending my ear to every corner, trying to make out where the sound was coming from. I stood up, fixed my yukata and went out to the hall. I took cautious steps, shivers running down my spice as the music became louder and louder. Then it hit me. 

And in this season 

_Of falling leaves_

_Falling hearts_

_Loneliness_

_Share the same fate_

It was coming from Soujiro's room.

_'Til there was you._

**~~~~~**

**[Soujiro]**

I stopped singing as soon as I felt Misao's presence from behind the shoji door.

So as not to startle her again. I moved my feet more heavily as I walked towards the door. I slid it open, smiled at her and asked, "Misao, is there anything I can do for you?"

"Umm… not really," she stammered. "It's just that I couldn't sleep and well… I heard someone singing so I decided to wake up and investigate."

"I'm sorry, did I disturb you?" I raised my eyebrows.

"Hmm… not at all," she smiled back. "So? You can't sleep, too?"

"Most of the time," I replied.

For the next couple of minutes, we were both silent, roaming our eyes across the hall so as not to look at each other that moment. I was waiting for her to speak and I guess, she was, too. Giving in, I asked, "Would you like to talk? I mean, just until you get sleepy?"

At that, Misao's face lit up and nodded.

I invited her inside, motioning her to sit beside me on the futon. "Are you usually a late sleeper?" I asked.

"No, not really," she shook her head. "It's just that sometimes… I can't help but think." 

"About what?"

"About a lot of things," she answered cheerfully. "You know… day dreams, fantasies, feelings… pain." 

I never thought I would hear someone use fantasies and pain in the same sentence. It seemed so ironic yet even more realistic at the same time. But I guess, I was talking to Misao, the girl who would never cease to amaze me. And she was right, indulging in fantasies does lead to pain.

Especially when you can't live out that fantasy.

Then, she asked, "How about you? Why can't you sleep early?"

"Same as you, I guess…" I shrugged and smiled as I continued, "…just replace the day dreams and fantasies part with guilt."

"Oh," her face fell. 

Was she actually pitying me or just feeling what I felt? Are humans really like this? Feeling each other's pain like the way I felt hers while she was talking to Shinomori-kun? 

Before I was able to ask her that question, she went ahead, "Ano… Soujiro. Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Of course," came my cheerful reply.

"How do you do it?"

Here we are again with our vague questions. "Do what?"

"Smile though you are dying inside. Didn't it consume you?"

At that point, I couldn't hide my shock. It was the first time that somebody actually asked me that question. That somebody actually cared to. Even though my answer would be something far from what I knew she would be expecting, I was glad she asked anyway. 

And I was even more happier to answer it because I would be able to express myself. 

An opportunity that rarely passed me.

"It didn't," I began. "It didn't consume me because, I never really felt like I was dying inside. I was void of any feelings, remember?"

She nodded sadly. I still don't understand why.

"…But I guess, now it is different. I am starting to learn things. Learn how to really feel. How about you? Does it consume you?"

Locking her emerald eyes into mine, she answered, "Sometimes it does but sometimes I unconsciously convince myself that I am alright. That I am happy." Then, she paused for a minute as if thinking over her answers. "But don't get me wrong, Soujiro. I really am happy. I am really content. It's just there are just some things that hurt me."

"You mean some**one**," I stressed. "Shinomori-kun, right?"

"Yes. But let's not talk about that know. That's enough crying for one day," she chuckled. "Besides, I realized that whatever Aoshi-sama said this afternoon was for my sake. I shouldn't think ill of his advice, right?"

"I guess so…" I smiled back.

"So?" she grinned evilly, rubbing her hands together, feigning mischievousness. "What were you singing earlier?"

I widened my eyes intentionally to tease her. I loved seeing her smile. I had never seen anyone smile as brightly as hers.

"Oh come on, Soujiro! Don't make me plead over and over again— I am in no mood to hammer you to the ground right now." Instead of smiling, she pouted. A cute pout for that matter, which was equally amusing, 

"It was a song Yumi-san used to sing to me when I was still a child," I explained even if she didn't ask. "Later on, when I grew up, I could still hear her singing that to Shishio-san.  I know it would somehow distort your image of Shishio-san for what I am about to say, but actually, Shishio-san said that it was Yumi's song that captured his heart the first time he saw her."

"Oh!  How romantic!!!" she exclaimed. "…In a scary sort-of way."

I honestly didn't know how to react at what she said. I would never really let anyone make fun of Shishio-san even now that he had departed and I had left his side. He was the one who took me in and cared for me. He was the one who taught me how to survive. Even if I didn't follow the path that he had showed me anymore, I still respected him.

But, there was something about her innocent yet blunt honesty that justified it all.

Her words held no malice. She was just voicing out her thoughts. She wasn't a hypocrite.

As I was silenced by my thoughts, Misao-chan had probably assumed it had upset me so she muttered, looking at me apologetically, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be tactless and rude."

"Don't be." I tilted up her downcast face to meet her eyes. "Nobody should be sorry for being honest, right?" 

"Still, I am sorry. He was like a father to you."

"He was. But, again, it's alright."

Then, she rewarded me with her genuine smile as she pleaded, "Please, Soujiro, would you sing that to me?"

"Huh?" Are we back to that topic once again? "Why?"

"Soujiro no baka!" she hit me playfully on the arm. "I just want to hear what it took to melt that person's heart."

I laughed heartily at that but I still shook my head in negation.

"Oh, come on… please."

Still, I shook my head. 

"Please?" she fluttered her eyelids for added effect.

"I'm sorry."

Crossing her arms across her chest, she huffed, "Fine! I just wanted to hear the lyrics!"

Just then, another smile spread from my lips, "If that's what you want, then, I would just recite them to you."

That's right. Reciting the lyrics wasn't even close to being half as bad as singing it.

I closed my eyes, I trying to recall the lyrics. I turned my head to the side so that I wouldn't have to see the expression on her face while I recited it. It actually felt weird stating it like a monologue to someone… weird but not necessarily bad. I wonder if this was how Yumi-san felt like while she was singing to me. 

I wonder if she still sang to Shishio-san until now.

I shrugged off the last thought as I recited the remaining verse of the song.

"Death in its simplest form, 

Could be a sign of rebirth

Just like a discarded seed,

Which would grow to a tree.

Just like a broken heart,

Ready to fall in love again."

"It's really beautiful," she gasped.

I raised my eyebrows in inquiry and asked, "Why so?"

"The lyrics… the meaning… it holds so much emotion. It speaks of death but, with death comes new life. Just like night and day. How could one appreciate the beauty of light when one hasn't experienced darkness," she replied, lacing her fingers, staring out at the sky. Pausing for a moment, she blushed. "I'm sorry. I was rambling. I don't think I made sense back there."

"Don't be. Actually…" I scratched my head at her comment. "I never really thought much about it other than when I recall the lyrics. Maybe it is because I never really understood its meaning. I guess… it's safe to say that I can't relate to it at all."

"Me, too," she confessed. "But can't you appreciate it even vicariously?"

"The issue of love doesn't really have much impact in me."

"Well, it will someday," she swooned. "Just like with me and my Aoshi-sama."

I chuckled. "Looks like you've been hit hard."

"Harder than you'll ever know," she sighed, leaning her head on my shoulder like she did earlier today while I rested my back against the wall and continued to stare at the window outside.

Love.

I had never even stopped to think about that until now. It was something completely foreign to me that I never really bothered contemplating about it… until now. It seemed that the people who made the most impact on my life had a loved one anchoring and supporting them.

Shishio-san had Yumi-san.

Himura-san had Kamiya-san.

And now, Misao had Shinomori-kun.

What is with this love anyway that people couldn't seem to go on without it. That they let their lives be steered according to it. How does one decide when or who to love? How does one know that the decision is correct? 

I was about to ask Misao-chan these questions when I heard her soft and even breathing by my side. She was already asleep. 

She looked like an angel. So peaceful. So content. Wisps of her bangs partially covered her closed eyes as her lips where slightly curved up in a smile.

Beautiful.

It was only until an hour or so had passed when I realized what I was doing. I never really knew why, but at that moment, I felt so contented just watching her sleep.

Knowing the right thing to do at that moment, I sighed. I felt guilty waking her up from her peaceful slumber for the second time today. However, I couldn't let her sleep in that position because she would get backache. 

That was why I settled with the next best thing. With one swift movement, I carried her in my arms to her room. I placed her carefully on her futon, placing a blanket on top of her so that she wouldn't catch cold. I tucked the stray hair covering her face, caressing her cheeks lightly. I had always wanted to know how she felt like.

Just then, she stirred in her sleep and whispered in a half-conscious state, "Good night Soujiro."

"Good night," I smiled. "Misao… chan."

**Author's Notes:**

1. Misao's reaction based on the presumption that she knew Shishio and Yumi's love story. She is Onniwabanshu after all. ^__^

2. Soujiro is just amused… not **yet** in love.

Send me your Christmas gifts by reviewing! ^__^ Luv ya all!!!


	5. Chapter Five

**Standard Disclaimers Apply.**

**Chapter Five**

**[Misao]**

I woke up early this morning, with a silly smile hanging on my face. I don't know why I was extra happy this morning since my memories of last night were still in disarray. Sighing contentedly, I closed my eyes, allowing my mind to drift to what happened last night.

"Soujiro and I spent the night together," I smiled upon remembering how I fell asleep, listening to his voice. Huh? Then what? I scratched my head, looking at my surroundings. Oh yeah… he carried me back to my room.

Sou-chan is such a sweet friend.

I went out of my room, feeling my heart soaring. I didn't even know why. Maybe it was because I was anticipating my meeting with Aoshi-sama this morning.

"Good morning, Soujiro!!" I greeted him gaily as I skipped towards the kitchen.

"Good morning, Misao! Are you going to Shinomori-kun?"

I nodded and smiled as I eyed him from head to foot. It was the first time that I actually **looked** at him since we met and I liked what I saw. He had a very cheerful and good-natured demeanor that one would never expect him from the famous Tenken no Soujiro. His hair was still the same. He had grown inches since I last saw him and his face? His face carried a tinge of matured innocence. All this and more made him cute and… appealing.

What am I saying!? Of course he wasn't as appealing as my gorgeous Aoshi-sama! I just never noticed how cute his butt was… I mean, he was.

Soujiro immediately faced me, blushed furiously and scratched his head, "Ano… Thank you, Misao."

Oh. My. God! I can't believe I voiced out my thoughts like that. "Eto… Soujiro," I stammered. "I have to go. I don't want to be late." At that, I bolted away from the scene. 

From him.

"There you are, Misao-chan!!" a giddy voice called out from behind, causing my slippers to skid on the floor as I came into a sudden halt.

"Yes, Jiya?" I asked.

"I want you to accompany, Soujiro-kun, to the market. He insisted on doing household chores for us so I want you to accompany him until he becomes accustomed to the routine."

"Sou-chan!? Me?" I asked in disbelief. I couldn't face him now! Not after that spasmic comment I said earlier. "Couldn't you ask Okon or Omasu instead? I have to go to Aoshi-sama!" I whined.

"Alright then, just accompany Soujiro-kun after your meeting with Aoshi."

No!! There must be some other way! Maybe I could just accompany Sou-chan when he had already forgotten! Like some time in the next century! Ugh! Now every time I am with him, he might be thinking that I am staring at his cute toned butt which I would never ever won't. Except of  course when he bends over, giving me a front seat view, which by the way, I wouldn't look at in the first place because Aoshi-sama's rear is much and way way much cuter.

I panted after my long mental debate. Who said you really need to speak up to get tired talking? Or something like that… 

In any case, I had to save myself of the embarrassment.

"But—"I was about to protest when Jiya gave me that look. A look I knew far too well than to cross. Sighing in resignation, I nodded.

When I had proceeded to the kitchen to prepare the stuff I needed, Sou-chan was already there, washing the dishes, smiling at me.

I smiled at him faintly, feeling a blush creep up my cheeks. I still couldn't believe what I had said… what I had thought earlier. I didn't normally think that way… except the time when I first saw Himura, which was an exemption because… because…

Hmph! Must be the hormones.

Deciding that the best way to move on was to forget everything that happened a while ago, I acted as if nothing ever happened. "Hey, Sou-chan! So, we are going to the market later, huh?"

He nodded. "Sorry for the inconvenience. I had insisted that I could do it alone but Ojii-sama told me that you should come with me."

"That's alright," I smiled. "By the way. You don't really need to call Jiya, Ojii-sama. It sounds to old and too… I don't know… condescending on your part, I guess. I mean, you are both fine swordsmen. Why don't you just call him Okina-san or Okina-kun?"

"Well, he saved my life. It would be impolite to him if I addressed him so informally."

I shrugged at that as I picked up the tray. "Okay. See you later!"

"Wait!"

"Huh?" I glanced back.

"Can I accompany you so that we could go straight to the market immediately after?" He looked at me with inquiring eyes and added, "It would save you some time."

"Sure, why not!" I replied as I waited for him to catch up with me. Because of the seemingly perfect gentleman that he was, he took the tray and carried it for me. 

As we walked towards the temple, I filled him in with the details regarding the other Onni's. It would help him with his interactions with them.****

When, we had arrived at the temple, I gave him a wink, "I'll continue my story later, okay? Just remember where I left off!" At that, I ran inside.

**~~~~~**

**[Soujiro]**

I sat on the temple stairs, patiently waiting for Misao-chan. I intentionally sat farthest away from the door so that I wouldn't be able to hear what they were talking about. Eavesdropping once had been bad enough.

Not that I regretted doing that.

I just hope that she won't come out of the temple with a forlorn expression on her tear-streaked face. I wouldn't forgive Shinomori-kun if he does that to her two days in a row. Couldn't he see how fragile she was?

I rested my back on the railings of the stairs and stared at the slow moving of the clouds. It had been a while since I did that. I used to do that all the time while I was traveling. I guess, I really had nothing else better to do when I was alone.

But I wasn't anymore because I had Misao-chan… for now. I often wonder how long would my ephemeral happiness last… how long would this feeling of contentment last… how long before I return to my empty life. But I guess, until then, I would just have to enjoy what I had now. 

Live for the day.

My musings were put to a halt when my line of sight was shadowed by the silhouette of Misao-chan's pretty face as she leaned over to look at me. 

Why was it that when she smiled, the whole world seemed to stop?

"Let's go, Sou-chan!"

I nodded, getting up from my position, taking the tray from her once again. I didn't know where I learned this gesture from but I didn't want to burden her with that when I could help her. Yeah, that's it. That was what friends are for right? To lift each other's burdens. 

But I often feel that I wanted to do so much more for her.

Returning my attention to her, I asked, "Are we going to the market now?" 

"Yup. Do you have the grocery list with you?"

"Yes," I replied. I took out the list from my pocket, scanning its contents. "Ojii-sama didn't ask for much. Just a few kilos of carrots and radishes."

"So what was I talking about earlier?" she asked, twitching her lips to one side as she looked up to think.

Wanting to see her scowl, I decided to tease her by scratching my head and laughed, "I forgot, Misao-chan."

"What! You were not interested in listening to me!?" she exploded just as expected.

"Maa, maa, Misao-chan," I pacified her by waving my hands in the air. I tilted up her chin to look at me and said, "You were in the part about getting yourself a mantel. What did you do with it anyway?"

"Oh," she blushed. "I used that to lure my victims," she explained in an almost inaudible voice.

Did I hear her correctly? Did she just used the word "Lure" and "Victims?" I couldn't help but choke out. "I don't quite understand what you mean." I shook my head, looking baffled.

"Well… Eto…" she stammered, suddenly finding her feet interesting. "Actually, that's how Himura and I met."

I wonder how the word lure and victims had anything to do with Himura-san. Masaka! Was she taken hostage? No… well… she said she was the one doing the luring. I wonder if…

"Want a demo?" she chirped.

"Huh?"

That was the first time I saw mischief gleaming in her eyes. I hope it wouldn't be the last. Grinning evilly, she led me to one corner. "Come here. Give me the money."

I didn't know what she was up to but I gave her the money anyway. I didn't want to ruin her momentum of enthusiasm. She didn't deserve that. Not from me.

Then, she ran across the market, apparently looking for something. She stopped by a linen stall, waving her hand to call me.

I ran towards her, stood beside her and whispered, "What are you up to, Misao-chan?"

"This is a mantle," she said, raising it up for my inspection. She turned to the vendor and gave him some cash. 

"But… the vegetables!?" I protested.

"Forget about that! We can buy a sack of vegetables after this!" she snapped, leading me to another corner. Giggling naughtily, she pointed at a group of lanky men, walking towards an inn. She wrapped the mantle around her slim figure and winked, "Watch and learn."

I nodded, feeling a pit developing in my stomach. I had a feeling about what she was about to do and I know it was no good. Sighing deeply, I followed her like she ordered.

Just then, she turned around with her hands on her hips and yelled, "Stay back or else this wouldn't work!"

I lurked behind the shadows, my jaw dropping as I watched her seduce those men into following her.

Misao-chan…

She swung her hips from side to side, smiling suggestively as she led them into the woods. Then, she jumped in the air, threw her mantle and manage to give me a V sign.

I looked at her with much awe. What an amazing woman she was.

But, the realization came to me. She was going to mug these men. She might get herself hurt!

I was about to intervene when—

"Misao…" Shinomori-kun said in a low tone.

Misao's eyes widened as the group of men scampered off. She dropped her kunais in the ground as she breathed, "Aoshi-sama."

"What do you think you are doing!?" he growled, piercing her with his blue eyes.

Misao took steps back, obviously panicked at the situation so I stepped in and said, "Ano… It's my fault actually."

"Stay out of this, Tenken!" He snapped.

Misao bowed her head, sighed deeply and confessed, "I was—"

"You were disgracing the Onniwabanshu," he cut her off. He turned around, glared at me and walked away. Before he left, he muttered, "Grow up, Misao."

Misao lifted her head, eyes widening with hurt.

He did it again. He made her cry again.

Author's Notes:

I know that they are a little OOC but I like to portray them like this. I don't want them to be REALLY serious about everything. C'mon! Do you actually think that people would always keep a straight face and always think serious thoughts? I see Misao as a mature yet naughty girl with a good heart. For me, that is what is special about her.

Muchos gracias to all who reviewed!!!

Cat H- thanks so much!!! This is my favorite alternate pairing! 

Joak Drysso- I promise! The next one is for you!

K-chan- not YET.

scorpion05, Phoe-chan- gotta luv them!!!

Mids- how are you? I haven't heard from you in months. I hope everything is okay there.

Chaos- okay… Misao plushie would sleep with Soujiro plushie. :evilgrin: yeah, Sou-chan is so cute, ne? So innocent in love… ~_~

^__^ really thanks? I'll sleep with it every night… …errr… that doesn't sound right. ^_^;;

Crystal- yey!! Another K/k sou/Misao fan!!!! :cheers:

The*Spangled*Pandemonium, Kyouhi- Gomen nasai… with all my fics and school work, I'm having a difficult time updating as often as I know I should.

Goku-chan, Soju- I promise to write more especially in my vacay.

Keep the reviews coming!!! MWAH!!! ^__^


	6. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six**

~~~~~

**[Misao]**

His voice resonated in my mind over and over again like a hungry parasite anxious to devour my being. How did he hold that much power over me? Like he could make me or break me whenever he pleased. Was this more my fault than his? Whoever it was, it hurt.

So much.

"Misao-chan," Sou-chan held out his hand and approached me.

I wiped away a lone tear that escaped from my eye as I gave him a faint smile. "Don't worry about me, Sou-chan. I'm alright."

"No, you aren't," he insisted.

"I'm fine!" Forcing my smile to become wider, I said in a more cheerful tone, "Let's just go back to the Aoiya and explain to them why we didn't bring home the vegetables."

"Misao-chan…" he protested.

I placed my finger on his mouth, putting a stop to his objections.

He nodded in understanding, wiping the mark made by my tear.

Letting out a loud sigh, I turned around, motioning him to follow me. "Let's go to the cliff again this afternoon, okay? I want to see the sunset."

~~~

The day seemed to pass by painfully slower today. Or maybe it was just me. I carried on with my tasks with a heavy heart. Sometimes I would catch Sou-chan watching me so worriedly but what else could I do? I couldn't stop myself from feeling down. Even if I smiled, my insides would crumble.

Hours had passed but it still haunted me. His words.

Grow up, Misao.

I can't believe how those three words managed to hurt me so much. Maybe because it was true. And maybe because it came from him— the only man I took much effort to please… but always left unsatisfied.

"Misao? Are you alright?" Omasu asked, peering over my shoulders to look at me more closely.

"Yes, Omasu," I nodded, turning my head away as I recited my well-practiced lines. "Don't worry about me. I'm alright." I started to walk away, not wanting to continue with the interrogation.

"Don't lie to me," she called out. 

At that, I froze. What had happened to me? Was I turning into a liar? Sighing deeply, I faced her and apologized, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. It's just that. I don't want to talk about it now."

Slowly, she approached me, placing her hands on my shoulder, looking at me worriedly. "What's happening to you, Misao. You aren't like this."

"I guess, I am growing up, ne?" I couldn't contain the bitterness my smile held at that time so I waved goodbye to her and approached my companion for the afternoon, "Sou-chan, it's already late in the afternoon. If we leave now, we can make it until sunset." 

"Alright."

"Ja ne, Omasu!"

"Ja, Omasu-san!"

She nodded at our direction and went her way. She was right. This wasn't me.

**~~~~~**

**[Soujiro]**

We walked towards the cliff in silence. It wasn't the lack of conversation that bothered me though, it was the sound of the first tear that fell from her eye. "Misao-chan," I began. "You don't have to hold back your tears anymore."

"What?"

"You heard me," I whispered. I led her to sit under the tree we sat the day before as I looked across the horizon. "Why are you doing this to yourself, Misao?"

"I don't really know. I guess it's because I need to grow up."

"Haven't you?" I leaned closer to peer at her glassy pools.

She shook her head in negation. Choking on a sob, she replied, "Aoshi-sama doesn't think so. Omasu doesn't think so. Even I don't know anymore. What about you, Sou? What do you think?"

"If being a grown up means wearing feminine kimonos or having an unfeeling heart, then you are a child. But if being a grown up meant facing the world with a positive outlook on life, being able to share your light with other people, being matured enough not to judge other people… then for me, you are already a grown up, Misao-chan," I answered, staring at the crimson shade of the horizon. Giving her a faint grin, I continued, "But what do I know, ne? I am just a rurouni…"

"Well, you have proven that you know a lot." She paused for a moment, turned to me and looked straight into my eyes as she said bitterly, "Sou-chan, why can't I do anything right?"

"Huh?"

I was caught off-guard by her query.

"I do everything to try to please Aoshi-sama. To see him smile even once but why doesn't he appreciate my efforts?"

"Maybe he does and just doesn't show it?" I shrugged once again. I never really knew what went on Shinomori-san's mind.

"Why? Because he is a man and a real man mustn't show any emotion? That's…"

Before she was about to say something I knew she would regret, I cut her off by saying, "Misao-chan, people have very different outlook in life. Shinomori-san had been through a lot. You should understand where he is coming from."

"I know that!" she suddenly exclaimed. "It's just that I am so confused now because I don't know what to do anymore. I just— I just love him so damn much that it hurts!!!"

So you **really** love him, huh?

"…It really hurts that he doesn't even see me for who I really am…"

I placed my hand on top of hers, caressing it to stop its trembling.

She continued, "…What if he does see me and he doesn't like what it is there? What should I do? I had always told myself that there would come a day that… that…"

Then, she broke down.

Misao did not need to finish her words. Her tears were enough to carry their meaning.

I didn't know why but just being there, by holding her hand, listening to her sobs, my heart is feeling this unfamiliar ache. Why couldn't he just love her?

I laced my fingers with hers as I brought her head to my chest. "Don't lose that spark of hope left in your heart. It is one of the things that make you beautiful."

Did it even make her feel better? 

"At least you're not empty." I bit my lip at that comment. I didn't mean to say that.

At that, she lifted up her gaze to me. She raised her hand, wiping away the wet trails on her cheek as she tilted her head. "Sou, is that how you feel? Empty?"

I shrugged, not wanting to meet her eyes. 

She broke away from my embrace, sitting beside me as she breathed deeply to regain her composure. She whispered, "It beats being broken."

"Broken things still can be mended. Nothing will come out of nothing."

"Who said there is nothing there?" She rested her hand on my chest, causing my heart to jump so suddenly.

Does that mean…

"Do you think I am better off empty?"

"Would you want to live soulless?"

Silence fell upon us.

"No," she finally replied. Just then, a small yet sincere smile appeared on her young face. "Do you think broken pieces can be changed to porcelain?"

"Not if they are already made of gold." I grinned when her smile widened. "Seriously, Misao, what's on your mind now?"

"Nothing I haven't told you already." In her eyes, I saw determination. She is one amazing woman with a heart so pure and generous.

I knew that moment that she had already set her mind in changing for Shinomori-kun. But still…

"Misao?"

"What it is, Sou-chan?"

"If you want my opinion, there's nothing about you I want to change."

Why couldn't Shinomori-kun just love her the way she is?

Just like the other day, Misao rested her head on my shoulder as she whispered, "You know, you just made me love myself again."

The moon was slowly clearing up at the sky as the sun began to set. 

As I gazed at the crimson sky and the woman beside me, somehow, I didn't feel so empty anymore.

She made me love myself for the first time.

**Author's Notes:**

Sorry if I haven't updated for a long time. This fic is very close to my heart and my muse to write on this only comes back whenever my heart tugs for waff… whenever a small spark of hope illuminates my mind that true love does exist. I guess, being jaded changes a person's perspective after a while. Anyway, this is kindda short because I think this is the best part to end the chapter. The next chapter is coming really soon! As in really soon.

Okay, explanations in case they are needed. Soujiro still have not come in terms with his feelings for Misao because he is just getting acquainted with the idea of love. He was able to say that Misao made him love himself because for a man who lived most of his life not caring about others, being useful and helpful to someone dear to you makes you love yourself because you know that even in the littlest of ways, you are able to make another's life better.

I want to end this chapter with this. In developing their relationship, I want them fist to learn how to love themselves. After all, how can you love others if you don't even know how to love yourself?

Support RK love! Vote in the upcoming RK awards! http:// rkawards. gloriousforest. net 


	7. Chapter Seven

**Standard Disclaimers Apply.**

**Crimson Skies**

**Chapter Seven**

**[Misao]**

"Misao!"

"Are you alright?"

"What!?"

"Oomph!"

Thud.

"Are you alright, Sou-chan?" I immediately ran to his side, helping him get up. As soon as I got him back on his feet, I flashed him my most brilliant smile.

I guess, I didn't need to ask them if they liked it.

"What's with the kimono, Misao?" Omasu asked me, a knowing smile present on her face.

"Nothing. I just decided that this is going to be a brand new day for me. Now if you people would get over this…" she emphasized by rolling her eyes "… I'm off to serve Aoshi-sama some tea."

"What a minute."

"Hmmm?"

"Let's tighten up that obi, okay?" Omasu slowly approached me with a smile full of pride. She truly is the sister I never had. As she ran her palm to straighten up my kimono, she whispered to my ear. "You're so beautiful, Misao. Go get him, tiger!"

Walking with a two-inch geta is not as comfortable as it looked. It is so stiff and so…

…clanky.

I would have rather worn my onmitsu slippers but I have to don the full do. I had finally convinced myself to wear this kimono Kaoru gave me, the least I could do was to wear the footware that came with it.

"Itteee…"

Good thing Sou-chan accompanied me.

As I glanced on his foot, I grinned at him apologetically. I think I had done more damage to it than all his training combined.

But of course, I was exaggerating.

Seriously speaking, his toes had a weird purplish-red hue to it.

 "I'm really sorry. I think I'll get used to this by the end of the day. But you know what, you don't have to hold on to my arm, it's not as if I will fa—"

He grabbed both my shoulders to steady me as he smiled. "No problem, Misao-chan. It's an honor to accompany you in this journey."

I rolled my eyes, "And what a journey it really is! Truly an educating experience. Maybe I should have gotten a geta with shorter heals." I whined aloud.

Soujiro laughed.

He looked really good when he laughed. So innocent. So boyish.

Who would have thought he was an assassin?

I glanced at him, smiling fondly, "You know, Sou-chan, I am so happy for you."

"Why?" he smiled back.

"Because you seem so happy."

"Happy?"

"Just now. You laugh so sincerely." If only I could tell him how much he warmed my heart that instant. He was so different from Aoshi-sama. Both had their hands stained with blood but both had decided to live their present differently.

If only…

"I guess, I am happy." He suddenly spoke as if he had suddenly come to a revelation.

Why did he seemed surprised at that?

Should I be surprised as well? Should he brood like Aoshi-sama? How should a former mercenary live after all the killings?

Before I was able to ask him the questions filling my head, he spoke in a soft voice, "Thank you."

"Huh?" Did I hear him correctly? Why?

Just when I was about to ask him everything I wanted to learn, he stated, releasing my arm, "We're here."

"Don't worry," I grinned. "I can walk by myself now."

He nodded, taking his seat under the cherry tree.

Taking a deep breath, I stepped inside the temple. Here goes nothing.

I entered the temple with extra caution. I was having a hard time on my shoes as it was. I didn't need my raging nerves to make things worse.

Relax, Misao. Smile.

Remember, from this day forward, you are a woman.

Act like one.

Slowly, I kneeled in front of Aoshi-sama, silently waiting for his reaction. "Good morning," I greeted.

Aoshi-sama faced me and…

…nothing.

Not a single reaction.

I know I shouldn't have expected anything from him. After all, he always hid his feelings well but I thought he would at least give credit to my efforts. I thought that…

…he'd at least comment on the change.

Here I wa again with my wishful thinking.

Where had I gone wrong? Even Omasu checked my kimono before I came here. I couldn't really understand. What else did I need to do?

Of course! Mere physical change was not enough! I had to prove to him that I was a woman inside and out. I didn't need to be hasty.

Just one step at a time. Now, first things first.

I gave him a reverent bow, keeping my head on the floor as I said, "Aoshi-sama, I would like to say that I have given much thought to the incidents as of late. You are right. I need to grow-up. I'm sorry for the shame I caused. Rest assured that it will never happen again."

Nothing again.

Nothing was better than him scolding me, right?

I sighed. It was going to be another long morning. Why did it come to this? This used to be the best time of the day for me. A time when I could just be with my Aoshi-sama, content on just looking at him, keeping him company.

Although I was aware, painfully aware that during those times it was just me— just me, enjoying his company; just me, looking at him; just me, loving him— he was still able to give me peace.

Even if it was just me who valued our time together, I cherished it.

But now, even if I love him so much, I couldn't help but think if this was all still worth it.

I didn't even know if my actions are taking me a step forward or a step back. I didn't even know how he saw me.

If he saw me at all.

If I stumbled in front of him right now, would he even notice?

What was I thinking? I already told myself that I was going to keep on loving this man no matter what. That he was going to love me just as I loved him. That everything was just a matter of time.

That's right. In time, I would be his ideal woman— matured, soft-spoken and unexpressive.

Everything passed by so routinely. The session ended without even a single word from him.

As I stood up, I looked down at my tight kimono and high geta. I ran my fingers through my well-combed hair and I really couldn't help but ask myself again.

Was this all really worth it?

I picked up the tray, walking as slowly as possible. I wouldn't really want to trip and fall in front of him no matter how "tempting" it could be.

"Misao."

Did he just?

"Don't walk using high platform heels if you are not used to them."

I looked back at him, studying his face. Did he just showed that he cared for me or did he just imply that this doesn't suit me?

I really loved Aoshi and I just wanted to take his comment as that spark of hope I needed. That it is a sign that he cared for me. Wasn't this what I had been waiting for the whole morning? For him to finally notice me?

I wanted to be optimistic in everything that involves him but somehow… after everything that has happened… after all the put-downs I had endured… I couldn't help but doubt.

I honestly did know how to take his comment so I just nodded my head, giving him a small smile. I never really understood how his mind worked.

And so the question remains…

Would this **ever be worth it?**

**[Soujiro]**

"What happened Misao?" I asked as I handed her a shori. [flat slippers] I had rushed back to the Aoiya to get it and now, I was rewarded with a hug.

"Thanks! My feet are killing me," she grinned.

But I know that grin.

I sighed. "Misao, tell me what's wrong." 

I looked at her disapprovingly when she gave me a cute pout. "Why do you always know what's on my mind?"

"Because you are not that hard to read?" I chuckled. How could she miss such an obvious statement?

She even seemed surprised. Why? Didn't everybody notice it when it is clearly written in her face? Pain was so hard to mask but why…

"You know what? You are the only one I can't fool with my practiced smile."

That's impossible. A small frown from someone as lively as her would be… "What about Omasu?" I asked.

"I get away with it every now and then." She shrugged carelessly as if it didn't matter. But it does.

Just then, I realized, "It's not in the smile, Misao."

"Huh?"

I never really looked at her lips. "Whenever I look into your eyes, I search for that sparkle. That same sparkle I see whenever I know you are truly alright. Without it… well…"

How should I say it? That she's less beautiful without it? That was not what I meant. How should I say that the sparkle made her beautiful but without it she was… not ugly because she was still beautiful but…

Arrrgh!

Forget it.

So, I settled with, "…you can't really practice that, can you?"

"Oh well, as long as it works on everybody else. I just don't want to worry them, that's all. I mean, I know I can sort everything out eventually. Even if I am hurt, it's just me, it'll pass. No need to involve others."

"You are so fond of that phrase, Misao-chan." I smiled knowingly.

"What? No need to involve others?"

"No, 'it's just me'." I held her right arm with my left hand, searching her eyes. I held on to her gaze as I continued, "You know that isn't true, right?"

She looked down in a futile attempt to hide her blush. She looked so cute with her cheeks all flushed up. Then, she stammered, "Where do you want to go today?"

"Let's just walk around while you tell me what's wrong." At that, I slid my hand from her arm to her hand. I didn't know why but I just wanted to hold her, to keep her near, to remind her that I was just there.

"Persistent fool," she muttered under her breath but I knew she wasn't mad. 

If she was, then, she wouldn't have laced her fingers with mine.

We stopped by the town plaza, sitting down on the stairs facing the fountain. We watched the flowing water, listening to its lulling sound as I massaged the back of her hand with my thumb.

Yes, we still hadn't let go of our hands since we left the temple.

Just then, Misao broke the silence. I knew she would open up when she had already thought things through. "Sou," she began. "I am having doubts."

I gave her hand a soft squeeze to coax her to continue.

"I told myself that I would never change myself for Aoshi. That he would just have to wake up and love me as I am. But because I love him so much, I am willing to compromise. I said that I am going to do this," she paused for a moment, straightening out the creases of her skirt with her palm. "If he would acknowledge my monumental effort even in the smallest yet **unambiguous way, I am going to go through with this."**

"But…" Why was it that in this world, there is always a but?

"He did acknowledge it but I don't know how to take it."

"That's good, Misao. Just don't take it the wrong way." I smiled at her sincerely, tucking her stray her on her ears.

"He didn't even say that he liked it. I know. I feel so childish but Sou, for the past years of my life, I run to him. I even jumped off a cliff for him. I don't ask much in return but for all the efforts I have given, he wouldn't even look at me."

I sighed deeply, feeling her pain. 

"To make it worse, he does not even accept what I have to offer, which is everything. He still wants me to change. Sou, will this ever be worth it?"

"Come here." I removed my left hand from hers, placing it on her left shoulder as I pulled her to a side embrace.

She rested her head on my right shoulder and sighed heavily.

"You are just stressed out, Misao. The past few days had been rough for you." 

"Now that's an understatement."

I slid my left hand from her shoulder to her waist as I placed my right hand on top of hers, playing with her fingers. "The reason why you are confused now is because of the emotional battering you had been going through. You are pulled in two different directions. Change isn't necessarily a bad thing. Don't dread it like a plague. Just think of it as an improvement."

"What I fear about changing is when it isn't me anymore."

"Then, don't change into something you don't want to be. As long as you keep your true self at heart, it'll always be you. Look at me. I, too, went through a drastic change in my life but that does me that this isn't me anymore?"

She laughed at that. "Being a rurouni from a hitokiri is a drastic change, ne? Why are you such a know-it-all suddenly!?"

"At least my journey got me something other than a near death experience."

We both laughed at that.

I glanced at her direction, smiling at the way that sparkle returned to her eyes. 

When the laughter had died down, I continued, "Besides, I don't think he wants to change all of you because if that is the case then it wouldn't be you anymore. It defeats the purpose."

"That's exactly what I mean. It defeats the purpose of me wanting him to love me when it isn't me anymore. Do I make sense?"

I nodded. "So what do you think you should do?"

"Well, I am going to try out this 'womanly' change for a short while. If doesn't work, then, I'll move on like I should. If it does work, we'll see."

I raised my eyebrows at that. "Why 'we'll see'? Isn't that what you have been wanting all along?"

I was getting confused.

"I just have to make sure that he loves me. As in me. What do you think, Sou? Am I being too selfish on this?"

"There's nothing selfish about wanting to be sure when you are going to give your everything." I replied as understanding came to me.

Misao was such a complicated girl. But there was nothing wrong with it. I knew that she was just confused. Nevertheless, she was on the right path. Her pure heart had led her there. I just wanted her so much to be happy. To finally get what she wanted so that she wouldn't frown anymore.

So that I wouldn't see that sparkle gone from her eyes.

Suddenly, she spoke in a low voice, "You still haven't answered my question."

"Huh?"

 "Will this ever be worth it?" Misao repeated her previous query.

Smiling at her, I gave her the most obvious answer I could come up with. "Only you will able to answer it. You'll know it when you feel it."

Just then, she did something that disconcerted the foundation of my very being.

She kissed the back of my hand and smiled at me. "Thanks, Sou-chan. You always put things in perspective for me."

For the first time, I felt my heart ache.

Not because of her pain.

It ached for her.

From this day, I would protect her happiness.

**Author's Notes:**

Yey! Hehehe… I love writing this fic!!! 

Thanks so much to all those who have been supporting this fic. My heart aches to write for this that I had not been doing anything else rather than this. This is truly therapy for me and I thank you for cheering me on.

****

Nobody asked for this but I wanted to say these clarifications just in case:

**On Soujiro: Soujiro does not know that he is beginning to fall for Misao yet. He is still confused at this stage. He aches for Misao and he wishes to protect her happiness, yet he still has not equated this feelings with love. However, there is one important thing that happened to him in this chapter. Starting from chapter one, he had been battling the emptiness surrounding his being. Here in this chapter, we will see that he has filled up that emptiness by letting Misao in, by wanting to protect her happiness.**

**On Misao: As it was said on the chapter, Misao had been so stressed out lately that her mind is bombarded with questions, doubts and hurt. Misao still loves Aoshi but in this fic, I want to portray Misao thinking really hard on her decisions. She had been through a lot. Whether everyone admits it or not, she had really matured and I believe that she is already able to weigh out her decisions carefully. **

**On them: Why is Misao so open to Soujiro when they had just met? For me, it is just simple. First of all, in their first actual talk, it was Soujiro who saw right through her smile. Misao had to give him credit for that. Next, Soujiro isn't a part of her immediate surroundings. You know the feeling when it is harder to open up to your friends? That it's easier to open up to strangers because they are going to objective about the situation and it doesn't really matter because they don't know you? That even if they judge you it's okay because it wouldn't be such a loss since they are just strangers to you? That's the scenario in their first meeting. Fortunately, it had blossomed into a beautiful friendship.**


	8. Chapter Eight

Crimson Skies

**Chapter Eight**

**[Misao]**

I did not know what came over me to kiss his hand but it certainly felt right at that moment. He just knew how to make everything better for me that I just want to show my appreciation for everything. I knew words would never be enough so, perhaps, a chaste kiss would convey everything I felt.

He was able warm my heart to the extent that I wanted to burst.

I just felt so good about myself.

Noon came and we went back to the Aoiya for lunch. After that, we went back to the market for the groceries. Jiya told me that this was going to be our daily chore but we were free to help out in the Aoiya after we had finished our task.

As always, while we were doing our task, Soujiro and I would talk.

I never thought chores would be so much enjoyable if you had someone with you.

At this point, I realized how similar Soujiro and I were. We both had our stories to tell and we loved to tell them. I guess, this is what it does to people after journeying across Japan alone. 

I had been alone most of the time I was looking for Aoshi and even when I was with Himura, he wasn't much of a talker back then. I couldn't blame him though. The Shishio incident really bothered him.

As for Soujiro, I was thinking that he was just learning about the basics of socializing.

Of course, not everything we talked about was about doom and gloom since I was relatively happy in the Aoiya and he had experienced a lot during his wandering days.

I had to admit that in the past couple of days since I had met him, I had learned a lot from him. I guess, it worked— I mean, us, together. We learned from each other. He was truly an interesting man and at this point, I was certain that this man beside me was truly a good man.

That was why I wondered so much what could have happened to him in the past that he turned into a cold-blooded, unfeeling assassin.

It was still early in the afternoon when I asked him to accompany me to the cliff. I brought a book along with me so that I would have an excuse to go out. I knew this was just a set-up for me to know about his past but I couldn't help it. I really wanted to know. He already knew so much about me and I felt that I wouldn't know him as much if I did't know the one integral thing that made him him.

Truth be told, I just wanted to understand him more. To get to know him better. 

We sat down under that same tree, in that same position. He sat on my right, his left hand holding my right even as I held a book.

When had we become so close and comfortable to each other? Why did I feel as if he were my childhood best friend and that what we were doing right now was the most normal thing to do?

I sighed. 

It didn't really matter. What matters was that I had him, he was my friend— my best friend even— and we were at peace.

I decided I was going to read my book for an hour or so before I asked him about his past. That way, my intentions wouldn't be so obvious.

Only about thirty minutes had passed when I felt something fell on my shoulder.

Soujiro's soft snore brought a smile to my lips.

Maybe he really didn't get enough sleep during the night. Did his nightmares plague him that much?

I brushed his bangs with the back of my hand as I watched his sleeping face. I touched his cheek briefly, fighting the urge to squeeze them. He looked so handsome!

I continued to watch him for a while before I returned to my reading. I could talk to him later, but at that moment, I was going to give him his much needed rest.

**[Soujiro]**

I open my eyes languidly, waiting for reality to sink in.

"I am glad you woke up already. The sun is about to set."

"Ara! I fell asleep?" I asked in disbelief.

"Yeah. You seemed really tired," she replied in a nonchalant tone. I guess, surprise was still written on my face that was she rolled her eyes and retorted, "Why do you sound surprised? Sleep is a natural thing, you know."

I slapped my forehead with my palm as I chuckled. "It's just that I had never fallen asleep in the presence of anyone before."

"Oh," Misao blushed. "Is… is that supposed to be a good thing or am I that boring?"

Misao looked cute when she stammered.

I gave her a reassuring smile before I replied, "It means I trust you with my life."

"Oh."

I didn't know if it was only to hide her blush that she rested her head on my shoulder but it didn't really matter. At least now, we could watch the sunset without tears in her precious eyes.

~~~~~

Protecting her happiness.

These three simple words changed my life.

For the next couple of weeks, everything became a domesticated routine. Every morning, Misao would don her kimono and I would accompany her to the temple to serve Aoshi tea. After that, we would go back to the Aoiya for our usual chore in the market. We'd help there until late afternoon and then we would go to our usual spot beside the cliff to watch the sunset.

It was so different from the two lives I had already lived— murdering and wandering—

that it all seemed like lifetimes ago.

Not that I was complaining.

For this span of time that I had spent with Misao, I had gotten to know myself more. Strange, wasn't it? But true, nonetheless.

I had never been closer to anybody as I was with Misao. She was my light. She showed me how to find happiness in the littlest of things. Because of that, I would remain steadfast to those three words I had engraved in my heart.

"Can't sleep?" a voice came from behind my shoji door.

I opened my door, careful not to make any noise as I beckoned her to sit beside me. We both stared at the moon peering outside my window, admiring the view.

Just then, she broke the silence. "What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing in particular. Just how my life changed ever since that rainy afternoon." 

Ever since you.

"My life also changed because of that. I found myself an indispensable friend and from then on you were always stuck with me!" Misao's eyes held a mischievous glint as she grinned.

"I really wouldn't use the word stuck, Misao." I shook my head in amusement. I knew she already knew the things I was about to tell her, but she still wanted to hear them from me. Pinching her cheek teasingly, I punctuated every word, "You had also been a wonderful friend to me." 

She opened her mouth in mock surprise.

Pausing for a moment, I caught her nose between my fingers, squeezing it. "You are my **only friend." **

She chuckled out loud, slapping my arm. She gave a cute pout as she threatened to pinch my nose the same way I did to her.

Upon seeing her red nose, I couldn't help but laugh along.

"So what do you think of your new home?" she suddenly asked, staring into my eyes, her smile widening upon seeing shock on my face.

"New home?" I almost spluttered, raising both my eyebrows.

"Yes, silly." She raised her hand to my forehead, easing the wrinkles that appeared as she pinched both my cheeks, mimicking what I did to her earlier. "I don't know about you but I had considered you a part of the family a long time now."

"Really?"

"Of course! I wouldn't treat my dearest friend like a stranger."

"Unusual." I voiced out my thoughts.

"That was not the response I was looking for." Hurt was so apparent in her voice that I fought an urge to hit myself.

Immediately, I answered back, "No, don't get me wrong. I meant unusual in a good way. I never expected any of my former adversaries to take me in. I know I had been staying with you for a while now but I still can't help but ponder on that matter."

"What you must always keep in mind, Sou-chan, is that people are naturally good." She rested her hand on top of mine as she faced me to search my eyes.

"Not all people." My comment sounded cold and bitter even to my ears but I couldn't help it. Somehow, it had stirred up unwanted memories.

"What do you mean?" she asked. At this point, she took both my hands in hers as an encouragement for me to continue. 

I took a deep breath.

I guess, it was time for me to tell her about my past.

As I began, I gave her a small smile. "So this is one of the ironies of life isn't it? My family turned on me and my enemies let me in."

"Sou," her face darkened. "Are you alright?"

"I never thought that I would be able to talk about it again."

"If you don't want to then—"

"Shh… it's okay. It's about time I tell it to my… best friend."

Misao's lips curved up into a small smile at what I had said.

It had already been a couple of weeks since she told me that I was her best friend. I never really knew how I should respond to that. I didn't even think I was worthy of being called that. I mean, what have I done in order to gain that privilege? 

Until now, I did not know if I deserved it but one thing was sure in my heart. She was my best friend.

Honestly, I really did not get what it was with titles. These formalities that defined relationships seemed like boundaries to me. For me, these titles did not really matter, but I knew that it mattered to her.

And that reason alone was enough for me to tell her.

Even if it would never change the fact that she was the most special person in my life.

Taking a deep breath, I began with my narration. "I was a bastard son of my father with a whore. When he died, his brother kept me, not even because of pity but to save face. They own a rice business so they had to keep a good name. They wanted to be known as the virtuous people so they let me stay with them… as a slave…" 

"Sou."

"Then, Shishio came along. I met him while he was running away from the police. He was supposed to kill me as well but I guess my smile disconcerted him. I took him in and cared for him, in return, he taught me the words I had lived by for the past ten years or so of my life."

"The strong live and the weak die." Misao murmured, looking into my eyes. "Kenshin told me about that."

"When they found out that I was taking care of a criminal, they were furious. They almost killed me back then! All because they wanted a good name. My life was that worthless to them!"

Pain coursed through my being as that bitter memory returned. I couldn't smile at this memory anymore.

I closed my eyes, swallowing a lump that formed in my throat.

Just then, I felt myself enveloped in her embrace as I rested my forehead in her shoulder.

I heard her whisper to my ear. "But your life isn't worthless, you know that right?"

I could only shrug.

"Well, it isn't to me." Her voice was determined when she pulled me closer for a tighter hug.

Suddenly, the tears wouldn't fall anymore.

How could she affect me like that?

Once again, I closed my eyes and pressed my lips on her shoulder. I felt her body tense up in shock but it relaxed moments later. I kissed her on the same spot once again before I whispered my gratitude.

"Sou, can I stay here with you tonight?" she whispered back.

"Sure. We can talk all night."

She pulled back from our embrace, took my hand and led me to the futon.

My eyes widened in surprise. "Misao… What are you…"

"For everything that you have done for me, can you at least let me chase away your nightmares? Even for tonight?" She smiled at me warmly, taking my arm over her, spooning herself against me.

She held my hand as I drifted off to dreamless sleep.

**Author's Notes:**

Thanks so much to all those who reviewed! You mean so much to me!

Rizu, Chaos-Chan- thanks so much! It really warms my heart when people would comment on the perspective of this fic. Maybe it's because I can really see myself in them.

Felix Aros- If people would want, I am willing to do a sequel that would address those issues. For now, I don't want to lose the main focus of the fic which is their path to their own selves.

Liemtenshi- I know, but sometimes people have to feel rock bottom to wake up. Don't worry. She wouldn't go that low. I love Misao, too.

Max*Seighart- thanks for taking the time to read this. I'm glad to see that it didn't disappoint you.

Phoe-chan- Well, I have to admit, I really do love waff. Kenshin and Kaoru and Soujiro/Misao waffs fits my psyche perfectly. ^__^

Meta-Joker, Botan-chan, Mystic Ice, Person, ( ), Madpostmon, Stillbornangel, Nia, Eres- Thanks so much. The next chap is going to be up soon.

Cat H- Don't think ill of Aoshi. I guess, that is just the way he is. He doesn't mean any harm but it is just a part of his personaliy and past experiences. ^__^

Midaoru- thanks so much for your compliments. I am glad that I was able to inspire you and chaos-chan.

Thanks also to those I have not mentioned but still left a review. Unfortunately, I lost more than 15 reviews when ff.net was down. Thanks so much.

Leave your reviews!! ^__^

By the way, this story is also archived in my website.


	9. Chapter Nine

Crimson Skies

**Chapter Nine**

**[Soujiro]**

Before the sun rose the next day, I carried Misao back to her room as quietly as I could. I wouldn't want the others to know that we slept in the same room last night.

I tucked her under the sheet, tracing the line of her jaw with my finger.

So precious.

I wanted to stay with her longer but the obvious circumstances compelled that I should leave her room immediately.

At that, I left her room and returned to mine. I leaned my back against the wall where Misao and I talked last night and the other night before that. I closed my eyes, trying to remember everything that had happened between us in the past few weeks that we had known each other.

Somehow, when I was with her, peace didn't seem to elude me as it did before.

I watched the sun rise outside my window, somehow entranced at how the sun slowly illuminates the sky. It wasn't long before I heard a knock outside my door. I stood up and opened the door with a smile on my face. "Good morning, Misao!"

She smiled back at me but her fidgeting feet told me that she wanted to tell me something else. 

I raised both my eyebrows to encourage her.

Upon seeing my silent inquiry, she muttered, "I'm sorry if I weren't responsible enough for my actions that you had to carry me back to my room."

"Ne, Misao-chan, don't apologize. I should even thank you." I scratched the back of my head, giving her an easy smile.

She looked back at me, wondering why I said that.

Foolish girl. She didn't even know how much she had given me already.

"Thanks," I repeated. Not wanting to sound so overly-dramatic, I narrowed down my gratitude to last night. Widening my smile, I raised my hand, giving her arm a soft squeeze. "It has been awhile since I slept peacefully."

"You're always welcome."

"Misao, I'm just going to fold the futon, see you later at the dinning hall?"

"Sure."

~~~~~

The morning routine went on as usual. The playful bantering Misao and the other Onniwabanshu engage in used to surprise me as I was never used to an informal meal. But now, I just found it endearing.

They were so close with one another.

"Soujiro! Are you just going to stare at that!?" Okina-kun reprimanded as he caught me lost in my thoughts.

I gave them a sheepish grin as I continued eating. I really should stop spacing out this often.

"If you don't want it, I want it! After all, I need this for energy!" Just then, Misao plucked a slice of fish from my plate with her chopsticks, shoving them immediately in her mouth.

"And excess fat!" Omasu slapped her hand playfully, giving her a disapproving look. Turning to me, she widened her eyes and clicked her tongue. "Seriously, Soujiro, you shouldn't give away your food just like that to Misao. She's growing sideways while you are getting thinner." Leaning her head forward, she whispered to my ear, "Besides, would you still marry her when she's all fat and sagging?"

"Omasu-san!" I exclaimed, feeling the heat rise up to my cheeks.

"What did she say?" Misao whined.

"Nothing." Okon winked at me.

"I just love to make this cute boy blush." Omasu laughed out loud.

I sighed. I saw that coming.

"He's not a boy anymore!" Misao's sudden comment threw me off. 

"Case closed." Shiro and Kuro said in unison, both bursting in laughter.

Poor Misao glared at each of them as she tried desperately to get the joke.

As always, the joke was on her.

"Like we said, case closed."

I chuckled at that, raising my hand to cover my mouth…

…and my flushed cheeks as well.

After breakfast, I pulled Misao to one corner. "Misao, can I ask you a favor?"

"Sure. Anything!"

She didn't even know it yet and she already agreed. What a girl! I often asked myself if she really was for real. Going back to the task at hand, I asked, "Will you accompany me to some place today?"

"Now?"

"Are you busy?" I smiled, trying to conceal the disappointment in my voice.

"No, it's okay. Where are we going anyway?"

"To Shishio's lair."

She paused for a moment, looking to the ground as if searching for a lost memory. "That's where the final battle took place, right?"

I nodded, absent-mindedly, wondering what's going on in her mind. Although I knew that she never really went there with Himura-san, I still did not know what kind of memories she attached to that place. Affirming what she said, I replied, "Yes, I heard that it burned down but I never really saw what happened."

"Surprisingly, I never went back to that place. Maybe because it…"

Then, it occured to me.

"… reminded you of when Aoshi was bad?" I finished for her.

Somehow, I felt this aching feeling inside my heart. No, it couldn't really be jeolousy.

No. It wasn't that.

It was just that almost everybody had someone waiting for them.

Suddenly, I was beginning to learn what love truly was. I envy those who had somebody. As I stare at Misao, a small smile appeared on my face, I had her but...

...she didn't really belong to me.

I was snapped out of my musings when Misao suddenly answered, "Yes, but he's back now. That's all that matters."

Why was I still able to mile at her when I was feeling my heart sink?

"I am glad to be here with you." She said softly, taking my hand as we began walking.

With that simple act, I remembered my promise. I would protect her happiness. That's why I was able to smile at her. And it wasn't even my cold and unfeeling smile. My smile meant something because it wasn't an empty facial expression.

I smiled... for her.

We walked in silence for a short while before I slapped my forehead with my palm. I remembered something. I couldn't believe that I had forgotten something as important as that!

Misao looked at me quizzically, wondering why I had just hit myself.

Given her an easy grin, I asked, "You and Kaoru-san fought with Kamatari, right?"

"Yeah. How did you... Well, of course you knew! You were comrades!" Misao smiled at the memory. 

A few weeks ago, I would have been baffled by her reaction to a battle memory. But now that I knew her better, I knew that this amazing woman in front of me could never hate anything or think of a memory with much malice and contempt. 

"I didn't really know what happened to her after that." She shrugged. "All Chou told us was that he was working as a spy now."

I nodded. "Before he left, I was also able to talk to him. He told me that he was posing as a woman and... he told me about you."

"Hmmm?" Misao looked at me curiously, waiting for me to elaborate.

"He said he admired you and Kaoru-san for your courage."

At that, she nodded in understanding and smiled, "I hope he is alright now, wherever he is."

I smiled back at her, watching her serene expression at that moment. Kamatari was right and she knew it. She had confidence in herself that she knew all her strengths and weaknesses. This confidence was the reason why she was hesitant to change. She knew that nothing was wrong with her. That she was already enough to be loved.

Nevertheless, despite the doubts and confusion she experienced, she undertook everything for love.

That was what I called courage.

It had been a long time since I had trekked the path we were taking. I couldn't really say that I missed it but it did bring back important memories of the past.

We stopped by in front of the clearing and I heard Misao gasp. "So this is how it looks like."

"I never thought it ended like this," I muttered aloud. The sight was depressing. Just as I heard, everything burned down. Shishio-san, Yumi-san, his vision.

Although I had to admit that I did not believe in his principles anymore, I still could not help but feel sad that everything we had worked for burned down. He had a wonderful vision for Japan, the means may not have justified it, come to think of it, but as Misao said good and bad is relative. For him, what he was doing was for the greater good of Japan.

I sighed.

"You're right."

"Huh? I'm sorry. I was so lost in my thoughts."

"You said you never thought it would end like this and you're right. Who would have thought that in these desolate remains, life could still grow. Just look at the grasses and flowers here!" Misao exclaimed as she picked up a flower and handed it to me.

She was right. I was so engrossed at thinking about the losses that I failed to see that in its ashes, life sprung out.

While I saw death, she saw life.

What would I do without her?

**[Misao]**

When we had returned to the Aoiya, I immediately went back to my room to compose myself.

What was I going to say to Aoshi-sama when I come up to him this afternoon? This was the first time in two years that I had not served him tea when I was in Kyoto. It was not only my duty but my pledge as well that I never missed serving him except if I was in another place. Surely, he would ask me why.

It wasn't really that I had forgotten about it. How could I forget about it? Serving him tea was like sleeping. It was an essential part of my day.

But today... I decided to spend my morning with Sou. When I saw that look on his face when he asked a favor, I knew I wouldn't let him down. He needed me and I needed to be there for him because...

...he occupied an important part of my being and I did not want to let him down.

Actually, I just wanted to be there for him.

And I was glad I came. **I had been with him in an important day of his life.**

If I had to be honest with myself at this moment, I would have to admit that I knew I would have enjoyed Soujiro's company better. At least, with him, I would not be so self-concious.

But, of course, my day would not be complete if I did not see Aoshi-sama. 

With that last thought, I left my room and headed towards the temple. I decided I was ell Aoshi-sama the truth. After all, there was nothing wrong with accompanying my best friend to the relic of his past.

I took a deep breath, calming my raging nerves. Despite my seeming confidence on the matter, I couldn't help but feel agitated. Like something was going to happen. 

I approached Aoshi-sama silently, kneeling in front of him, waiting to be acknowledged. When he finally looked my way, I bowed my head and said, "Aoshi-sama! I came to apologize! I …"

"…you were with Tenken. Omasu brought the tea this morning."

"Oh…" Was he mad at me? I really couldn't tell since he regarded me with the same coldness everyday but his eyes... they wouldn't leave me. They pierced me as they scrutinized me.

Silence ensued as I almost hyperventilated with tension.

If he was mad, why wouldn't he just tell me?

Suddenly, he spoke, "Misao, tell me, what's your relationship with him?"

I was taken aback by his question. What did this have to do with anything? Did he think that I betrayed my duty for him because of Soujiro? 

Sighing deeply because of my unvoiced questions, I replied, "He is my friend. We talk, do chores together, hang-out. Why?"

"Since when did friendship involve sleeping together? Misao, what are you thinking!?"

I was speechless. For the first time in my life, he yelled at me. "How did? Did Omasu…"

"I saw you."

My mind screamed out loud. What exactly did he see? We were just sleeping together, it wasn't as if we made love. But still, what did he see and how did he see it?

I stood before him, wide-eyed, shocked.

He stood up and shook my shoulders as he demanded," Answer me! What do you think you are doing?"

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, forcing myself to calm down but all efforts were futile as I heaved every word that came out of my mouth. "I wanted to comfort him that night. I wanted to chase away his nightmares because he is the best friend that I ever had..."

"By being his whore?"

My heart burst in pain. "You know me better than that."

Tears were already threatening to spill but I held them in. I looked back at him defiantly.

It didn't mean that because I loved him, that I gave my heart to him, he could insult me like that. 

I still had feelings!

Upon meeting my eyes, his faltered. He looked down on the ground as he stammered, "I didn't mean that Misao."

"Then, what do you mean!? "Aoshi-sama, I am not a mind-reader! No matter how much I want to understand you, I can't! I don't know what you want! I don't know what's going on inside your mind and worst of all, I don't know what's going on inside your heart!"

He sat there, astonished at my outburst. 

I yelled at him because this was my only release. If I didn't yell, I would break down in front of him and I wouldn't be able to say what I wanted to say.

I wouldn't let that happen anymore.

"I'm sorry, Misao."

At that instant, my anger dissipated.

I nodded briefly at him, giving him a sad smile as I stood up. "I can never be mad at you, you know that. Sometimes, you just forget that _adults_ could still get hurt. See you tomorrow, Aoshi-sama."

**[Soujiro]**

I searched her eyes the minute she walked out of the temple. As she stood beside me, I cupped her cheeks with my hand. "He hurt you again, Misao-chan." 

She shrugged and sighed deeply.

I couldn't bear seeing her like that. 

Almost immediately, I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her to me in a tight embrace, wanting her pain to seep through me. She rested her head on my chest, sighing once again as I kissed her hair, gently stroking her back. We held each other like that for what seemed like eternity.

Just her and me, our hearts beating against each other.

After a while, she pulled back, took my hand and smiled.

I smiled back. I almost forgot that was already late in the afternoon.

She leaned her head on my shoulder, holding her hand as we sat. We just stared at the horizon in silence, grateful for each other's presence.

"Sou, can I ask you a favor?"

"Anything."

We remained quiet after that as we awaited the last rays of the sun to disappear. As the sky changed to deep purple, she turned to me, looking deep in my eyes. In a low voice, she said, "Will you teach me how to kiss?"

"What?" My eyes widened in surprise as I felt heat rose up my cheeks.

"Please," she pleaded, biting her lower lip. "Tomorrow… I want to kiss Aoshi-sama. No more pretensions. No more changes. Just me and my feelings."

I looked away from her.

Why did my I feel my heart break into pieces as I heard that? I was her best friend. I told her I would do everything for her.

She was just my best friend! So, why?

Why did it hurt so much?

She placed both her hands to my cheeks, coaxing me to look back at her. "Please," she repeated.

"But Misao. How can I teach you when I haven't kissed anyone before?" What I said was true but then again, it wasn't the real reason why I didn't want to kiss her.

When I kiss her, she wouldn't be kissing me, she would be kissing him.

It was then that I realized how much I wanted her.

Was this how love felt like?

"Please, Sou-chan."

Did this mean that this was the same kind of pain she was feeling because of unrequited love?

Sighing, I gave her a small smile. "As you wish. Anything to protect your happiness."

I looked deep in her eyes, pressing my nose against hers. I took her hands from my face and wrapped them around my shoulder as I placed my left hand on her nape and my right hand on her chin. Slowly, I pulled her closer until our lips met.

That brief touch would have made me the happiest man alive if only she didn't close her eyes.

How was I to know who she was thinking of while kissing me.

Suddenly, a tear escaped from her eye as she pulled my closer for another kiss. This one lasted longer than the previous, but her tears wouldn't stop falling.

I pulled back. I didn't want to kiss her while she was crying. I caressed her hair and wiped away her tears with my hand. "Please don't cry. Whatever happens, I'll always love you just the way you are."

She looked at me, wide-eyed in shock but I just smiled at her. Slowly, I pulled her closer for another kiss.

However, this kiss was different for I poured all my love for her in this kiss. Yes, I loved her. I didn't care if her kiss wasn't for me anymore. All I knew is that I loved her and I was going to show her how much.

I wasn't an experienced kisser so I let my heart guide me on this. I opened my mouth to capture more of her lips when I felt her tongue inside my mouth.

"Don't stop," she murmured into my lips.

When I raised my eyes from our lips, I saw her. She was looking back at me. 

I pulled her from her seat, placing her on my lap, wanting to close the little distance between us. I wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her closer to me as I dove into the pleasure that is her mouth. I removed the band that held her braid and caressed her long silky hair as I continued massaging her lips with mine. As our tongues met, I held on her neck, opening my mouth further to deepen the kiss. 

She placed her hands on my hair as well as I felt her heaving chest against mine. We were both already breathing deeply but none seemed to mind. We were so lost inside our own world that we didn't even feel the drops on rain seeping through our clothes.

Thunder rumbled softly from afar.

It was raining again.

And just like that other fateful rainy day, my life would be forever changed this day.

Finding the need to breathe, I pulled back but my lips were not left unoccupied for so long. I trailed kisses from her lips, to her jaw, to her neck, searching for her sensitive spot there. Shishio-san often kissed Yumi-san there and I wanted to give Misao the same pleasure he gave her.

Misao bended her neck to one side to give me better access and I stopped at her pulse, giving her a small bite before I continued suckling on the sensitive flesh. She placed her hands on my arms as I felt her breathing became ragged again.

"Sou-chan." As a soft moan escaped her lips, her body tensed. 

"I'm sorry, Sou," she stammered.

I froze.

Suddenly, she stood up from my lap and ran away from me. 

I could only stare at her retreating figure as my heart stopped.

In this cold rainy night, I felt like I was dying again.

**Author's notes:**

Sorry if I won't be writing individual thank you notes this chapter. I love you all and you all inspire me to write. I just wanted to paste my latest blog entry since I can really relate to what Sou-chan would have been feeling by now.

**You don't have to read it if you don't want to. Just send me feedback on the chapter. ^__^**

**_So go and think about whatever you need to think about  
_Go ahead and dream about whatever you need to dream about  
And come back to me when you know just how you feel, you feel  
I could feel I could feel you near me, even though you're far away  
I could feel I could feel you baby, why__**

**_- Why (Avril Lavigne) _**

**Tuesday, August 26, 2003******

I could barely believe that it's only been one month since the day he kissed me and then, a few days later, he told me he just wanted to be friends. 

It felt so much longer.

Until now, I didn't know were we stand and what he wanted from me, that is, if he still wanted me. I didn't know if he still liked me or just moved down the ladder and just see me as a friend, nothing more. Nothing less.

Oh well…

Although I was still riding that emotional rollercoaster I gladly jumped on when I met him, I still didn't want it to stop. I didn't want to stop this feeling because this love I had for him made me feel so alive.

 Besides, everything was already starting to elucidate.

After all this time, I finally understood where they (him and another girl) stood. They were just like me and my other friend. We're just really close because we share a certain bond and a certain common ground. :shrugs: I feel so stupid now.

In any case, She and I talked on the phone tonight and she told me that they saw me on the balcony that night. They noticed that I looked sad that was why they invited me to come and join them.

I just explained to her that I thought they were talking about something important that was why I didn't want to bother them.

Then, she told me that they weren't discussing anything serious at all. That the reason why they talked is that they couldn't relate to the other people upstairs since they were talking about high school stuff.

Issue addressed. Sigh…

After that, I went downstairs to vent out my depression. 

I couldn't believe that they were actually watching me while I was pouring my heart out in front of the radio. During that time, they thought that I looked cute…

…everyone else knew I was broken.

It doesn't matter anyway. The important thing was that he cared.

:big smile:

Indeed, the question is still, "Why?" But I would never ask him anymore. It's something I had to find out for myself. Besides, I told myself that I wouldn't ask him those kinds of questions because it made him so uncomfortable.

I wondered if he remembered that during this night, he kissed me **as if** he loved me.

But, you know what? I missed him.

I missed **us**.

====

For more of my blog entries… email me and I'll mail you the URL. 

Thanks for the feedback on Crimson Skies!! Thanks to everyone!


	10. Chapter Ten

**Standard Disclaimers Apply.**

**Chapter Ten**

It felt so good being in Sou-chan's arms like that, having his lips on mine, hearing him say the three words I had been longing to hear from Aoshi-sama since I knew what the word love meant.

Though I claimed to love Aoshi-sama, somehow it felt so right to kiss him.

It was like I understood what love really meant and I felt it or Sou-chan.

And that thought really scared me.

It scared me so much that I froze when I heard myself moaning his name. Was this the name my heart was crying out for but I was too stubborn to listen? 

I was so confused that I ran as far as where my feet could take me, drenched in the rain,  to go to the person I was supposed to love.  

"Aoshi-sama," I said breathlessly as I entered the temple. "Aoshi-sama!"

I went around searching frantically for him. I needed to know what I was feeling. I needed him to…

"Misao! What are you doing here!? Why are you wet?" Aoshi reprimanded, giving me a look over.

"…kiss me." 

"What!?"  His eyes widened in shock, mouth slightly open. 

"I said kiss me." My heart was pounding against my chest but I didn't care. I needed to know. Slowly, I placed my hand on his cheeks, pulling him closer. I leaned forward towards his face as my eyes instinctively closed.

Sou-chan.

At that point, I knew I could not kiss Aoshi-sama. 

I dropped my hands and took a step back.

"Misao, what do you think you're doing?" Aoshi-sama asked me again.

I raised my eyes to his, sighing deeply. "Do you love me?"

However, almost as soon as our eyes met, he looked away. "You already know the answer to that," came his reply.****

"No, I don't. Can you look in my eyes and tell me directly that you love me?"

He lifted up his gaze to meet my own as he said, barely in a whisper, "I love you, Misao."

This was it. The words I had been wanting to hear all my life but why didn't it make me happy. Why didn't it make me want to throw my arms around him and kiss him all over.

Why didn't I feel anything?

"What about you?" he asked.

What about me?

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I placed my hands on my heart. 

What did I feel?

Then, it occurred to me. Softly, I spoke, "If I were to tell you that I love you this instant, it wouldn't be my heart talking. It would be because of flattery… of happiness of a childhood dream finally coming true. Aoshi-sama, whenever I close my eyes and open my heart, it's not your face that I see anymore."

"Tenken no Soujiro."

A smile crept up my lips. "So you knew."

"I wasn't sure at first. I thought you were just friends."

"That is what made me love him. He is my best friend. He knows me as I him. You don't."

"Of course I know you. I was the one there when you grew up. I love you as a child and I love the woman you can become."

"But you see, Sou-chan loves me for who I am now. You were there while I was growing up, but you left. Even when you came back, you never really returned. No matter how hard I opened to you, you shut me out. How could you say that you love me when you don't even know me? When you keep on trying to change me?"

"Misao…."

"You know, a few months ago, this could've been the best day of my life."

At that, I left.

As I trekked the long path home, I remembered a conversation I had with Kaoru a couple of months ago.

Read "Silent Burning" http:// www. fanfiction.net /read.php? storyid=1401862 (just remove the spaces)

**[Soujiro]**

After Misao left, I sped up towards the temple. I didn't need to follow her to know where she was heading. I got there a couple of seconds before her.

Early enough to see the torn expression of her face.

She must have felt that she had betrayed Aoshi.

That was all I needed to see before I left.

I spent the rest of the evening under the shade of the tree we always sat on. I didn't care if I was soaking wet at that time. I didn't care if the autumn breeze chilled my back. None of them could compare to the pain I was feeling.

So this was the feeling of love.

~~~~~

For the rest of the day, I did not know what to do. I wandered the familiar streets of Kyoto and somehow, I still felt lost.

And empty.

I had been too accustomed of Misao's presence.

I knew I should return to the Aoiya like everything else was normal. After all, Misao and I were still friends. Aoshi and her had settled everything and they were probably getting married.

However, what if everything did not turn out okay. What if he hurt her again?

What if he didn't? Could I bear see them so happy with each other?

Questions like this plagued me the whole day but in the end, I knew that there was only one home I could go back to.

At the same cliff we went to everyday, I saw her there, wearing her favorite onmitsu uniform, waiting. "Misao," I breathed out.

She turned to me, smiled and held out her hand. "I knew you would be here."

I walked towards her and shook my head to turn down her offered hand. Instead, I pulled her to a tight embrace and kissed her shoulder. "How can you say that?"

"Because you told me that you were going to protect my happiness."

I smiled. 

I pulled her down under the shade of the tree as we watched the sunset. She rested her head on my shoulder and whispered. "I didn't kiss Aoshi-sama."

"What?" My eyes widened in surprise.

Did I just hear her correctly?

She took my hand and kissed the back of it as she looked at me in the eyes. "I couldn't betray the man I love."

Smiles were exchanged.

Words were disregarded.

As I felt her lips on mine under the crimson skies, I knew…

… I had found my answer.

**Author's Notes:**

It's about completion. About filling the emptiness…

To everyone… I thank you for the support you had given me in this fic. We all fell in love with Soujiro/Misao together.

Leave your reviews! A new Soujiro/Misao fic will be released soon!!! ^_^


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